THE TOUCH OF FROST
by deetatarant
Summary: Season Two and there's lots of things to annoy Ianto, including Owen and espeically Gwen. Follows 'Rage in the Blood'
1. Chapter 1

**AN: FOLLOWS ON FROM 'A STOMACH FULL OF RATS' AND 'RAGE IN THE BLOOD'......................THE TOUCH OF FROST**

**PART ONE**

Owen watched Ianto like a hawk. Ever since their wasted trip to Nepal Ianto had been...... off. It was the only word the concerned medic could think of. The young Welshman was clearly just clearly going through the motions. He served coffee, cleaned the Hub, became a fourth arm out in the field and he filed the archives. He sometimes laughed with the team or shared their frustrations, but Owen knew something was fundamentally wrong. Ianto was paler and thinner for a start, the expensively tailored suits failed to hide that much at least. He held himself a little too erect, never relaxing and Owen found himself wondering if Ianto's spine would snap from the physical tension. He flinched when touched, didn't eat enough and drank far too much coffee. There was no fault with his work, quite the opposite and the four remaining members of Torchwood got on extremely well in Jack's absence. Gwen had taken the initiative and they had all followed without even thinking about it.

It was just weird and Owen, after two weeks of careful observance decided to do something about it. It wasn't that he liked Ianto that much, he was just..... well.... worried. Ianto had taken Jack's departure with dignified decorum but it was obvious he was missing the enigmatic immortal deeply. But there was something else and Owen was determined to get to the bottom of it.

They sat in the boardroom. It was shaping up to be a quiet day. They sipped on gorgeous coffee and talked about the weather for a bit and Ianto edged out of his seat about to leave the room when Owen spoke up.

"Ok, everyone. Time for your bi annual medical exams. Ianto, you're up first."

Ianto froze on the spot and gaped at his colleague and just as quickly collected himself.

"Er right then." He knew he couldn't avoid it and Owen had been watching him all week. "I'll go down to your den then, shall I?"

Owen offered up a shark like grin. "Yep. Tosh you'll be up next!" He added to just to make it sound like he'd do it.... The girls knew, he had warned them.

Ianto perched himself on the very end of the exam table and waited for Owen. He knew there would be questions he couldn't answer and he wondered how the hell Owen was going to take that. He wondered why the hell Jack wasn't here. Maybe Jack had thought they were all dead and left for real this time. Perhaps he was always going to stay away anyway. Ianto closed his eyes and sighed and all he could see were Jack's guts and blood all over a polished floor. The clarity of the vision made Ianto lurch and he almost fell to the floor. Why on Earth would Jack come back to the man who had let that happen to him?

Ianto wanted to flee, but he sat there rigidly as Owen stepped down into the cold exam room.

"Right mate get your gear off, lets have a look at you."

Ianto hesitated.

"Is that really nessescary?"

Owen rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. "You coffee god, me doctor, Capicsh?"

Ianto nodded. He reluctantly stripped trying and failing to hide himself with his own arms and Owen just gawped at white skin and new marks that hadn't been there a few weeks ago. Ianto's eyes remained firmly fixed on his feet. Owen should be dead. Owen HAD died, a year ago and Ianto knew that there was no way he could explain himself without sounding mad. He heard Owen step forward and hissed when his cold fingers made contact with his skin. Owen examined every inch of flesh in silence. Fingertips probing scar tissue that shouldn't be there. After what felt like an age he stepped back and picked up his Bekaran deep tissue scanner.

"I get the feeling you are not going to explain what's been happening to you whilst we were away, so I only have two questions." He said. He turned, holding up the device and adjusting it.

Ianto nodded. "Go on."

"Is there any risk to the rest of us?"

Ianto shook his head. "Everything is fine now. The world is safe."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Ianto sighed and shook his head. "No."

Owen appeared to accept this and continued with his work. "I'll need to ask about your injuries Ianto."

"Ok. My arm was broken and not set properly. The scar in my side is a bullet wound which was treated at the time."

"Ianto, my scans indicate that the injuries are months old, you've had a prolonged dose of malnutrition and there's old deep tissue bruising......."

Ianto looked away and picked at his nails.

"Ianto?"

"Just leave it Owen. Everything has been fixed, just leave it, please."

The scanner was placed back down.

"I'll need a blood sample."

Ianto held out his arm and Owen carefully inspected it for track marks. He was relieved to find none.

Ianto flinched when the needle went in and turned even whiter than he already was. Owen thought he was going to faint but Ianto held himself together, just. The sample was taken and latex gloves were snapped off and dumped in the disposal.

"Look mate. I do not understand what I am seeing here. You are clearly traumatised......"

"I'm fine Owen." Ianto hopped off the table and made for his neatly piled clothes. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Bullshit. Look I know you're missing Jac......."

Ianto swung round. "Jack? Why would I be missing him? He ran out on us, left us with his mess, nearly destroyed the world!" He screamed and then froze, realising what he had said. The rest of his clothes were hurriedly pulled on and like a suit of well made armour and Ianto hid behind the cloth, everything going into neutral.

"Have you finished?"

Owen could only stare in shock, he nodded and Ianto stepped away.

Three days later Jack returned. Only for Torchwood Three it had been seven months. Jack was sad at leaving the Doctor and Martha and angry at the delay. The TARDIS had needed to heal though and so had he, much as he hated to admit it. Seven months away in Earth's timeline had only been three weeks in his. The Doctor's math had never been that good.

The time required to re connect with his team had been stolen by the arrival of John Hart and Jack could see Ianto distancing himself, even when he had asked him on the date. What he found out later was the fact that Ianto had witnessed his rather intimate encounter with Gwen when she announced her engagement. Jack didn't understand why Ianto looked so deflated, why he was so cautious. It was then he discovered he'd been away for over half a year.

No wonder.

The final shock of the day.

Grey.

Ianto locked the door of his hotel room and went to the bathroom to shower. He stripped off, shaking. His head was spinning. Jack was home, bringing more secrets and lies in his wake. He had made no indication that he remembered that year and maybe he didn't remember. Ianto had no idea. He just couldn't look at him without his guts hurting in shame. He stood under steaming water. He was angry with Gwen for mooning all over the man she had criticised every day since his departure and he was furious with Jack for simply being there, for coming back and upsetting the newly found balance in the team. He thumped the tiles and cried with frustration and confusion.

Owen had not asked again, after the medical exam, and Ianto had been quietly grateful, but if Jack truly didn't know what had happened? Ianto didn't want to think about it. Was he going mad? Did it happen at all? Did someone put some fucked up reality in his head to compromise Torchwood?

Ianto's tears were mixed with the water and he sank down into the floor of the shower stall and hugged his knees to his chest.

Jack was pulled along the corridor by Gwen's determined grip on his hands and he watched over his shoulder as Ianto slunk into his room without even glancing in his direction. Jack sighed and allowed himself to be led to the room next to his. Gwen was talking non stop, mostly demanding and Jack was disinclined to answer so he just smiled at her and that seemed to be enough. He followed her into her room and Gwen closed the door at his back. Jack suddenly felt awkward. His back was still aching from the fall from the building and all he wanted to do was run to Ianto. The TARDIS had clearly re set time and Gwen had had no idea that so much had happened and Jack wanted to keep it that way, but it had been hard to shake the haunted look in Ianto's eyes. He stood there, for once in his life not sure how to handle the situation as Gwen stepped right into his personal space.

"Jack, you know you can tell me anything. I missed you so much I...."

He took a pace back. "I missed you too. I'm sorry..... I can't talk about what happened."

Gwen's hands went to her hips and she stood there looking indignant. "I thought you trusted me. You always told me everything before." Her eyes were blazing with a fierce fire and Jack smiled again, he had really missed that.

"Not everything Gwen. This isn't about you. You don't need to know where I was. I'm back ok. I'm sorry I left the way that I did, but I'm back." It was the best he could do. He watched her fingers as she worried at her engagement ring, wanting to rip it away, he was sure. "I'm glad to see that you held on to things, stayed with Rhys."

Her glare became more pronounced. "You didn't give me any choice. When you came back after Abbadon..... when you came back, I thought, but it was Ianto you went to. Was it always him Jack? Who did you come back for?"

Ok he hadn't expected that. He was still reeling from the turmoil of the previous year that wasn't and how the hell did he get his head round that? It suddenly hit him with the force of a wall slamming into his face. He sagged against the door and buried his face in his hands and tried his damndest not to let tears show.

"Jack?" Gwen's tone softened considerably, her fingers carded through his hair and the contact was electrifying, beautiful and most unwelcome.

"Please don't." He looked up and watched as shock widened her eyes.

"I came for Ianto first and foremost. I need him. I need all of you, but mostly him."

Her disappointment washed over him, but somehow she managed to hitch a smile. "Then you'd better go and find him."

Jack was dismayed when Ianto didn't answer his door, undeterred he pressed a couple of buttons on his wrist strap and then let himself in. He closed the door behind him and then paused gazing about the empty room. Then he heard the shower from the adjoining bathroom and a grin spread across his face. It quickly fell when he discovered the young Welshman cowering under a freezing jet of water. Jack shut off the water and shucked his coat. He knelt down at Ianto's side and gently pulled his wet body into the folds of his warm coat and was worried to see almost no response from the man in his arms as he hauled him to his feet and led him, dripping, back to the main room. Jack set him down on the bed and Ianto shivered under the wool of the great coat and stared at his toes which were curling into the carpet. It was a pitiful sight and Jack was at a loss and half wondered about fetching Owen. He stood back, uncertain of what to do.

"Ianto?"

Great empty wells of ocean. It was all Jack could think of when he looked down into Ianto's eyes as the man himself looked up.

"Jack?" It was a plea.

Jack sank to his knees in front of him and held out his arms. Ianto slumped into the embrace and clawed at his shirt, his hands fisting in the fabric. Jack rubbed his back and soothed down wet unruly hair, their foreheads resting against one another.

"Jack.... Jack.....Jack." Ianto kept whispering over and over and Jack just stayed where he was despite the cramp and the worry.

"It's ok Ianto. Everything's gonna be ok."

What felt like hours passed them by, but in reality it was less than one and Ianto eventually pulled himself away and sat upright. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and sniffed noisily.

"Oh, God I'm sorry. Your coat, it's wet now. I'm sorry."

Jack's fingers brushed at his cheek. "It's fine. You warm yet?"

Ianto wasn't so he took off the coat and clambered under the bed covers, pulling them tightly around him and settling his head down on the pillows. He gazed at Jack who spread his coat out across the chair by the window to dry it out. He closed the curtains and dimmed the lights before coming over and settling himself down beside Ianto. They lay there looking at each other for a long time. Jack was heartbroken to see him so sad.

"There's nothing to forgive Ianto. I see it in your eyes, but you did the right thing."

"You remember?"

Jack nodded, his hand gently cupping Ianto's face. "I want you to sleep and tomorrow we will talk about this properly."

Ianto nodded. "Will you stay?"

Jack smiled. "Yes." He relieved to see Ianto close his eyes and watched as the younger man drifted into sleep. Jack would watch him all night, to keep him safe from whatever the night had to bring.

**AN: i PROMISE THINGS DO GET BETTER FOR OUR TEABOY.....I'M JUST CRAP AT WRITING HAPPY IANTO.**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO**

Owen was not an affectionate man by nature. As a medic he took the concerns of all his patients very seriously, but on the whole he tried his upmost to avoid caring. Caring was always complicated and led to difficult choices and ill considered decisions. Sometimes though he couldn't help himself. There was a small team of people whom he couldn't be objective about no matter what. Their lives had merged with his in a way that not even Katie had managed. It wasn't that he loved them..... well maybe it was...... though not in the same way. Owen shared with these people the daily dangers of Torchwood and 'saving the bloody planet one alien at a time', as Ianto would say. It gave him a unique insight into the fragility of human beings in general and his friends lives in sharp, up close focus. So here he was at 1am standing outside the said Welshman's hotel room door and wondering whether or not he should knock. He knew that Jack was in there and couldn't decide whether or not Ianto would welcome the interruption. Owen shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and winced remembering that he did have a minor and rather painful bullet wound to his hip. He chewed at his lip for a moment then raised his hand, his knuckles hovering over the wood. Ianto had looked distressed to say the very least when Jack had returned out of the blue like he had. The Welshman had then gone quiet and done a runner, faster than a whippet with an arse full of dynamite. Owen had to smile to himself. Yep, he'd be running too. He tapped on the door and took a pace back, glancing up and down the corridor for a moment.

The door was flung open and Jack was there looking slightly dazed.

"Owen? What's up?" He whispered looking over his shoulder back into the room.

Owen offered up an awkward grin.

"I was checking in on Ianto actually and I guess you too...... Can I come in?"

Jack looked uncertain. "Yeah, sure, but quiet Ianto's asleep."

Owen nodded and stepped in closing the door gently behind them. The first thing he saw was his team mate buried under the bedding, the top of his head just visible in the form of a mop of unruly hair poking out from the top edge of the quilt. There was the faint sound of snoring. He glanced up to see Jack watching the Welshman with some strange look on his face that Owen couldn't and didn't want to decipher.

Jack wondered over to the chairs by the window and sat down so that he was facing Ianto and Owen took the seat opposite him. Jack leaned back and pulled a bottle of scotch and two tumblers from the minibar and set them on the table between them. He poured.

"So Jack, how are you? And no bullshit this time."

Jack shoved a glass toward him and Owen lifted it, tipping to Jack slightly.

"Salute." Was muttered before he gulped it down.

Jack did the same.

"I'm ok Owen, really. Physically sound."

Owen arched an eyebrow. "That's not what I meant Jack."

"It's the best I can do for now. But Ianto isn't......."

Owen glanced over his shoulder. "No and I have a feeling you know something more about that than I do."

He watched as Jack leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "What happened while I was away?"

Owen shrugged. "You tell me. We went to Nepal and left Ianto here to deal with things, when we got back three weeks later...... he was..... different. Not that the girls noticed much, but he was changed in some way. It was weird, he's been weird ever since and if I didn't know any better I'd say he was suffering from severe PTSD. But Ianto refuses to talk to me about it, just that everything had ....... that we were safe now..... he said the world was safe and asked me not to press further."

Owen watched Jack's face carefully as a myriad of emotions flared in his gaze. The Captain remained silent.

"Come on Jack. How can I deal with this and do my job if I do not know what the fuck has been going on?" He hissed, trying to keep his voice down.

Jack turned his gaze to his feet, appearing to gather himself. Finally he looked up and Owen caught his breath.

"Jack?"

Shaking hands were raised and Jack buried his face beneath them for a few moments.

"I can't tell you everything Owen. I can tell you that whilst you were away that Ianto and I crossed paths, both of us suffered terribly. Ianto was forced to make some terrible choices with no..... with no way of avoiding being hurt. You know what his life has been like even before joining Torchwood, but what happened was truly.....Now I realise that for him it was almost 7 months ago when it happened......"

"Wait... hold up, what do you mean?"

"It's complicated Owen, there's a good degree of time discrepancy. I was hoping that the correction of the time lines would result in everyone going back to normal. Ianto must have been at the epicentre when time was re set...."

Owen's head was spinning and he just glared at Jack. "Ok, stop there Harkness, what the blazes are you going on about?"

Jack froze and gaped at him for a moment looking slightly bewildered as the face went back behind the cover of his hands.

"Shit."

"Jack?" Owen prompted.

Jack's gaze had returned to the sleeping form of Ianto who was still snoring from under the covers.

"I can't explain it Owen. I can't, it's too raw and I need to be able to help Ianto."

Owen's gaze followed Jack's. "So do I Jack."

The lump under bedding moved and a moment later Ianto's head appeared, his hair messed up and standing at all angles, his eyes half closed and his mouth yawning expansively.

"What time is it?"

Jack was off his seat straight away and was quickly at the younger man's side. "Too early. Come on go back to sleep." He tried to manoeuvre Ianto back down but the Welshman merely gaped his disapproval.

"Owen, what's going on?"

Owen smiled at him, realising once again just how young Ianto actually was, a child really and one who had seen far too much for his own good.

"Nothin' mate, I just came in to badger Jack and make sure he was ok after John shoved him off the building and to find out where the git has been for the last 7 months."

Ianto rolled his eyes and pushed the duvet down to expose his chest. He rested his hands on the bedding and threw a meaningful look at Jack.

"Good luck Owen." He said non too seriously. "Is that scotch?"

Owen nodded and promptly poured him a measure. Jack reached for it and passed it to Ianto who slugged it in one.

"Well, if you really don't mind, can I go back to sleep now?"

The hint was obvious and Owen decided to leave things for now if only for the sake of Ianto getting some clearly needed rest.

"Yeah, see you in the morning." He walked stiffly to the door.

"Owen is that leg ok?" Ianto watched him worriedly and Owen appreciated him all the more for it.

"Nah Tea Boy, any minute now it's gonna drop off and you'll have all that lovely paperwork to fill out......."

"Bastard."

"Twat, and don't keep him awake Harkness." Owen left, shaking his head as he walked back to his own room.

Jack settled himself back down at Ianto's side.

"You heard every word of that, didn't you?"

Ianto nodded, lying down against the pillows and staring up at the magnolia ceiling. A long and uncomfortable silence sunk down on them, punctuated by Ianto's slow deep breathes and Jack's slightly faster, shallower ones. Ianto eventually spoke.

"How the hell do we get past this?"

Jack reached across and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently. "I don't know Ianto."

"Are you here to stay Jack? Will you go back to him?"

Jack closed his eyes and sighed. "I meant what I said. I came back for you. If the Doctor needs my help one day, to save the world or something then I'll go, but for as long as you are alive I will always come back to you."

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes."

"Ok."


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

Ianto was extremely relieved to get back to his own bedroom in his own house, away from the Hub, away from Gwen and away from..... well just about bloody anything he could think of at that point.

The whole sleeper agent saga had been too similar to certain other half converted life forms he could think of and whilst he had spent the day burying his fears under wise cracks and coffee all he could think of was Lisa and whether or not she had truly been herself in those last few months of her life. Had he been nursing her or the monster within? Some days it seemed like it had happened a life time ago but today it felt like yesterday. As he stripped off in his bathroom he could only feel great admiration for Beth for making that ultimate sacrifice because she knew deep down that she could not be trusted. Jack had privately said as much earlier. Ianto yanked off his socks and gathered his clothes stuffing them into the basket. He straightened up and took a moment to look at himself in the bathroom mirror, he'd finally started to gain some weight and as he looked at himself Ianto found himself wondering what it was Jack saw in him. He was pale, unfit and scarred. His fingers went to the bullet scar from on board the Valiant, a memory of something that didn't happen. He was still struggling with the concept.

Jack had such a beautiful body, forever unchanging, locked in it's perfect settings. Ianto sighed and stepped into the shower stall. He was dirty having had to clean up copious amounts of Jack's blood from the backseat of the SUV, he'd died again and Ianto's gut had churned when he saw how much blood there was. His head whirled.... too much thinking.... too much remembering and Ianto cursed himself for his perfect memory. He'd be glad when Owen had finished working on the revised Retcon formula.

It had just been another day at Torchwood, but Ianto recognised that the team dynamics had shifted again with Jack's return. Gwen was being pushy, vying not only for command but for extra attention from Jack. It wasn't subtle either and Ianto fully expected her to break off her engagement to Rhys at any minute. He watched as Jack responded to her flattery, her low cut tops and fluttering eyelashes and Ianto decided he didn't care that much. Jack was a sensual being, he loved the physical and he enjoyed the flattery and Gwen was beautiful too. They had such short lives and Ianto could not blame her for making the most of hers. It didn't hurt, he was well beyond that, though he hoped that Rhys would not be left to fall by the wayside.

Torchwood was just complicated, there was no normal and somehow Gwen was becoming like them and that was the saddest part of all.

The hot water was soothing against aching shoulders and Ianto allowed himself the rare indulgence of just standing under the jet and letting the heat soak into him. Normally he wouldn't waste the water or the electricity, but today he just felt entitled as his thoughts shifted again, this time to the mind probe. The Master had dug into his thoughts without the use of such a crude and nasty piece of technology. Ianto had felt his presence like an itch he couldn't scratch at the back of his brain. Saxon had raped so many minds, so easily. He had felt the Doctor's presence too, something far gentler, asking for permission only wanting to heal and give warmth. Ianto was only sorry he hadn't been able to thank the Timelord at the time.

He flicked off the water and stepped onto the tiled floor and wrapped himself in a bath sheet before padding back to his bed room. The shopping list was now doing a meander through his head. Milk, tea, coffee, bread, butter, some nice cheese and dinner.... what for dinner? Ianto fancied something fresh, like fruit and salad, something cleansing and untainted by MSG and E numbered colours, a trip to the market and then on to Tesco then. Something normal, the bloody supermarket, a dodgy trolley and treacherous car parking. Ianto couldn't help but smile to himself. He dressed in his favourite old jeans and hoodie from his holiday in France with Lisa. A few moments later he was out of the front door. He considered ringing Jack to find out if he was likely to visiting that evening, but he dismissed it. He had been busy comforting a distraught Gwen at the time he had left the Hub and no doubt the Welsh woman would find her way down into his bunk before the night was out. It was usually Jack's way of dealing with things that involved comfort. He knew it should bother him and may be it did on some level..... Ianto was stopped short the moment he opened the door of his car.

"Hey, Ianto! Where are you going?"

He swung round, surprised to see Jack running down the street towards him, coat tails flapping in his wake.

"Jack, is everything alright?"

Jack stopped at his side and grinned wolfishly. "Yeah, where you headed?"

Ianto opened the door. "I was about to go shopping."

Jack glanced at his watch and sighed. "Oh, at this time?"

"Food Jack, have the pressing need to eat, you know that thing that we do when our batteries are running a little low."

"Take outs?"

Ianto shook his head with a wince and got into his car and Jack wandered round to the front passenger side and followed suit.

"Can I come?"

Ianto offered up a sideways glance, suddenly apprehensive, wasn't this a bit too domestic? But Jack's warm and rather childlike delight at the prospect was just..... Irresistible.

"Of course. It's only grocery shopping."

Jack buckled his seatbelt and kept smiling. "Can I have bananas?"

Ianto did a double take. "Er... yes, you can have what you like..... within reason."

"Strawberries? Chocolate sauce? Whipped cream?"

Ianto started the car and tried not to smile at Jack's sudden glee. "I don't see why not..... How's Gwen?"

Jack's mood sobered. "She'll be alright. I dropped her home. Rhys will take care of her."

"How can he Jack, when he doesn't..... isn't allowed to know about what she does?"

"She managed fine so far."

Ianto nodded, true enough.

"You died again today Jack."

A hand found its way onto his knee, gently squeezing. "I'm sorry, there was a lot of mess."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "That's not the point."

"I know, but its part of who I am."

"Guess I'm stuck with it then."

"We've had this conversation Ianto.... we seem to circumnavigate the stuff that's important and repeat the shit that isn't."

"We've said that too."

Jack withdrew his hand and lapsed into silence, choosing to watch as Cardiff slid by them along with the early evening traffic.

"I'm sorry Jack. I've never been one for talking."

"Yeah I noticed. I guess we both have to adjust that. I just know you and your amazing capacity for hiding how you are feeling. What happened to you on the Valiant......"

"Was nothing compared to what you suffered."

"Is that what you believe?"

Ianto's fists clenched around the steering wheel. "I'm not ready Jack."

"Ok. I will be here for you when you are."

"I know that Jack."

**AN: There is a reason for this 'bridging' chapter even if it seems pointless... but I thought it was semi fluffy for the Janto addicts among you...**


	4. Chapter 4

**PART FOUR**

Jack leaned on the trolley and peered at the contents with intense concentration. Ianto had yet to add any of his suggestions to his shopping, except for the bananas and each time Ianto returned with a new item Jack followed it with his eyes. There was a lot of healthy food going in there and various bags of coffee beans and different bars of chocolate, which Ianto explained, after tapping Jack's nosy fingers, were for the Dinosaur. Jack wondered whether or not he should be put out until he saw the faint smile that took years of Ianto's face. They were at the checkout when Jack's mobile rang and he took the call conscious of the cute Asian girl watching Ianto with an appreciative eye as he packed his groceries. Jack was grinning and he winked at her in a way that suggested that she should leave well alone. Ianto was oblivious until his gaze met hers and then there was a beautiful blush that crept up his pale cheeks as he paid her.

It was Owen at the other end of Jack's phone, advising him that he needed to head back to the Hub, preferably with Ianto..... there had been a bit of an incident.

The drive to the Hub was somewhat fraught.

"What did Owen say had happened?" Ianto was gripping the steering wheel as much as he was gritting his teeth. He just wanted one night in, asleep in his bed with real food in his stomach.

Jack just shrugged. "He wouldn't explain, but I think it means he's done something bad..... rather than something bad has happened."

Ianto snorted. "Typical."

Jack's hand went back to his knee and Ianto briefly glanced down at it, wondering why Jack had started doing that every time they shared his car. It was nice and not at the same time, because it was distracting in a warm tingling up the spine sort of way.... but he was trying to concentrate on the road.

"Your lab rats escaped? You dragged me back on my night off because your rats escaped? How the hell did they get out? Oh My God, they are going to breed and get into everything..... We'll be over run. Owen you...."

"Ianto, breathe!" Jack grasped the Welshman's shoulders and smiled stupidly at him. "Hey, just breathe."

Ianto complied and Owen stood just far enough back to avoid being in punching range.

"Shit, look it was accident. I went to feed them and forgot to lock the cage. They're smart bastards, they got out." Owen was totally unapologetic.

Ianto just offered up a long suffering look. "I'll have to set traps round the Hub and hope we catch them all, they're not carrying any exotic diseases or anything are they?"

Jack laughed and then saw Ianto's face and clapped his hand over his mouth.

"Yes, quite right...Owen."

"Nah, they're fine."

Ianto nodded. "Then the rat traps are in the cleaning supply cupboard. Knock yourself out."

Owen glared. "What? You're the janitor."

"No Owen, I'm the pissed man who has been dragged away from home to clean up your mess. You let them out and you can catch them. Load the traps with peanut butter, for some reason they like that and worn Tosh because rats like chewing up cables too."

Owen looked to Jack for help and got none.

"Can I go back home now?" Ianto tried not to sound too petulant. Jack waved him in the direction of the cog door.

"Go, get out of here."

Ianto left.

By the time he got home he was too tired to eat and the shopping was left on the kitchen bench while he went for another shower and put on what passed for pyjamas, an hour later he was back in the kitchen packing everything away and brewing some camomile tea. He finally managed to smile about Owen's little problem, a few escaped rats in the grand scheme that was Torchwood...... they should be grateful for small mercies. It would give Myfanwy something to snack on anyway.

He fell asleep on his sofa.

He woke the next day with a crick in his neck and raging back ache and was seriously debating calling in sick. However he didn't and when he arrived at the tourist office he got the shock of his life. Outside the shabby door was bouquet of red roses lying on the boardwalk propped up against the door. They were wrapped in expensive tissue paper and there was a card attached. Ianto glanced around him before picking up the sizable bunch of blooms and noticed to his shock, his own name scrawled in swirly biro across the envelope amid the flowers. The blooms smelt heavenly and Ianto couldn't help but inhale the scent as he battled with his keys and security card. He closed the door with his foot and carefully lay the roses on the desk and took out the card. Nervous anticipation settled in his gut as he slid open the red paper and pulled out the note from within.

"You've looked so sad lately, I hope these cheer up you because you are so lovely Mr Jones. If you ever need a shoulder I am here for you. Just want to see you smile again.

Cath Jenkins

Gwent Council"

Ianto gaped at the note. No one had ever bought him flowers before. He remembered who Cath was, a regular visitor to the tourist office as she often brought in the new leaflets and brochures. Ianto looked at the flowers and then back at the note. Unbidden emotion swelled up and threatened tears and he hurriedly jammed the card into his pocket. He would give the flowers to Gwen, she'd appreciate them after the day she'd had yesterday. Feeling slightly uncomfortable he locked the door and took the bunch down into the Hub and set them down on Gwen's desk. He was startled by Jack appearing at his side. That man was getting almost as sneaky as he was.

"I saw you got flowers." Jack was smiling.

Damn the bloody CCTV. "I thought Gwen could have them, cheer her up."

Jack stood back for a moment, frowning. "But they were a gift for you. I saw the lovely Cath drop them by less than an hour ago."

Ianto patted his pocket where the card was hidden. "I know, but Gwen had a bad day yesterday."

Jack grasped his arm and turned him so they were facing, eyes meeting. "So did you, do you think you are less deserving of something like this?" He gestured to the bouquet.

Ianto squirmed and tried to look away. Jack took his chin to stop him.

"Ianto?"

He couldn't answer, feeling awkward.

Jack sighed and pulled him into a hug. "One day you will start taking care of yourself. You're always looking after us, even with this. You deserve the kindness too you know."

Ianto didn't know where to put himself, but welcomed Jack's warm hands over his back and caressing his sore neck. A moan escaped him and Jack chuckled.

"You like that?"

"Yep, woke up sore because I fell asleep on the couch."

Jack kissed his forehead. "I should have come back with you last night."

"It's ok Jack."

They stood there content and quiet for a few moments.

"I need coffee."

Jack kissed him again. "Me too."

The moment passed and Ianto stepped back, regaining a measure of his butler persona.

"Have any rats been caught yet?"

Jack shook his head.

"We've got a briefing in an hour and Tosh reminded me that we're defrosting Tommy next week so er......."

Ianto nodded. "Yes, it's in my diary. I'll get started on the coffee then. You'll want the budget files as well then?"

Jack didn't, not really. "I suppose I should take a look, but I trust your accounting implicitly."

"Only because you hate doing it yourself."

"You got me."

They smiled and Jack couldn't help himself, he kissed Ianto again, briefly on the lips.

"That's a lovely smile you have there, Jones Ianto Jones." He whispered.

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "Whatever it is..... no." And he swung away leaving Jack to burst out laughing in his wake.

Tosh offered up a shy smile as Ianto placed a cup of green tea beside her. He moved round the board room table, handing out the morning brews the last being Owen and he got a glare as well, the rats were something the medic was not going to be allowed to forget in a hurry. He was faintly satisfied when he saw Owen shudder as he sat down at his place beside Jack. Ianto caught Gwen smiling at him, the flowers had done wonders to her face and Ianto decided that the effort had been worth it.

"Ok, folks. It's that favourite time of year again. I need your finance reports and requisitions the last and next quarter.... well actually Ianto needs them."

Owen grumbled and Tosh simply slid a folder across the table toward her colleague and Gwen followed suit. The women then turned in their seats and looked pointedly at Owen.

"It's on my desk." He groused.

"Then go fetch it." Gwen goaded.

"At home.... my desk at home."

Jack and Ianto both rolled their eyes. "Tomorrow Owen, without fail." Jack added sternly.

"Yes boss."

"We also have a nice Ops meeting in London coming up so Owen and Ianto you'll be going. Owen there's going to be special senior medical staff briefing, which is why you'll be going with Ianto."

Owen looked very unimpressed. "Right, that'll be fun."

Ianto looked at Jack. "Shouldn't you be going, sir?"

Jack winced at the sir. "No, I'm boss, I'm delegating and you're going. They like you Ianto, you're neat and polite."

"Yes, Jack I am but it should still be you."

Jack shrugged and grinned. "Got a Rift to guard, day and night, it's tough work."

Owen cackled. "What a load of bollocks. Actually Jack with all those uniform types around I'm surprised you trust tea boy unsupervised."

Ianto narrowed his gaze at the medic, what was he inferring? "I have one word for you Owen."

"Oh yes?"

"Rat trap..... You'd be surprised where those devices can turn up."

"You wouldn't?"

The eyebrow was arched again and Owen nodded. He would, the bastard.

"Rat traps?" Tosh and Gwen were looking between the two men.

Owen shrunk in his seat.

"Owen will explain right after this meeting is finished." Jack was hoping it would be over soon.

"Anyone have any pressing issues to discuss?"

"Just the continuing work on Retcon. I should be ready for a test soon, though I am not quite sure how we go about testing yet."

Jack nodded. "Good, anything else?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Ok, get back to work. I know there's a back log of housekeeping, lets try to get it done today if we can."

Ianto went to his desk and rang Cath to thank her for the flowers.

**AN: Next Chapter.... will be Angst central again, because I can't be nice to Ianto for too long.....Thank you for your reviews and just taking the time again with reading it really is appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

**PART FIVE**

Ianto sat beside Owen on the train and gazed out of the window as the world slid by. The morning had started badly with a broken alarm clock and a boiler that refused to disgorge hot water so Ianto was cranky even before he'd arrived at the Hub. Now he was on his way to Whitehall with Owen in tow, the train had been late and Owen was hung over and grouchy. Ianto couldn't blame him really, neither of them liked dealing with UNIT or the PM's office and Ianto felt a certain dread creeping up his spine at the thought of dealing with anyone from government or UNIT for that matter. He tried to put aside his internal visions of Jack being butchered by Saxons guards and failed and it left him feeling sick to his stomach. Owen prattled at his side, complaining about the trains, about the fact that he had to go to this bloody meeting at all and why wasn't Gwen coming instead of Ianto, after all she was second in command. Ianto would never see her as that but he reflected glumly that Jack just preferred having her around, she was light, cheerful company where he most certainly wasn't. He wondered if he was suffering from depression and decided that he probably was and perhaps it was time to do something about it. Jack needed him to be better than this and then Ianto vaguely wondered what he himself needed and came up blank.

He rested his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes for a moment wanting to just blot out the world for a while....

"Oi, Ianto mate. You alright?"

He sucked in a sharp startled breath and straightened himself, blinking at Owen.

"Uh? Oh, yes. I'm fine, just going over my notes in my head." He lied and Owen recognised it immediately.

"Yeah and my balls are green. Come on, what are you thinking?"

Ianto just gawped at him.

"We haven't talked Ianto, not since Jack got back. Not since Nepal. You haven't said about what happened whilst we were away. Jack told me some of it and it sounded bad. I can see it's eating at you."

Ianto didn't know where to put himself really. He looked back toward to the rain streaked window.

"Ianto. I know I'm an arse and you don't have any reason to trust me, but I am your doctor and I'd like to believe that I am your friend as well."

Ianto hitched a smile at that.

"It was bad Owen and I can't explain it, because I don't understand it. In that three weeks that you were away I lived through an entire year. A year that re wound itself and didn't happen, but it did because I remember it and so does Jack and certain others. There was a crisis that Jack's Doctor fixed...... It was.... and I still can't get my head around what happened."

"Have you talked to Jack about it?"

Ianto looked uncomfortable.

"You haven't have you?"

He shrugged and Owen sighed. "Sometimes just saying it, makes it more manageable."

Ianto didn't believe that for one moment.

"Do you talk about Katie?"

Owen leaned back in his seat. "No." He confessed, getting the point.

They fell silent for a while.

"We're useless, aren't we? End of the world, no problem. Talking about how we feel?"

Owen smiled at that and eventually Ianto did as well.

Owen was pleased with the Hotel, grateful that Ianto had spared little expense on their accommodation and the two of them met in the hotel bar for a drink and a meal before retiring for the night. Tomorrow was not going to be a fun day at all and neither of them were looking forward to it. Owen decided to go clubbing. Ianto retreated to his room and his bed. He was dozing peacefully when a text arrived from Jack.

_I'm bored._

Ianto stared at the message in disbelief.

_And?_ He sent back, as he sat up amid the pillows.

_Are u in bed yet?_

Ianto could guess where this was going and he smiled.

_I am and no we are not having text sex, period!_

_Oh, anyone would think I had a one track mind, just wanted to talk, see u were ok._

Ianto felt his heart clench in his chest and he speed dialled Jack's number. He answered straight away.

"Jack?"

"Hey there. How was the trip?"

Ianto was sure he could detect a hint of longing there. It was probably a fanciful notion on his part.

"It was fine, the Hotel's nice and Owen is happy."

"And you?"

"Curled up in a big bed, listening to you. I'm alright Jack, just a bit nervous about tomorrow." He admitted, it was easier over the phone, with the distance.

"Nervous, why?"

Ianto sighed. "It's nothing, anyway how things at the Hub?"

"Quiet, the girls have gone home, no alerts and no weevils, very boring but probably good, means we're all..... Safe."

"Safe."Ianto smiled. "I like safe, it's a good word Jack."

"Yeah..... Yeah it is. I prefer happy, but safe is a start."

Ianto wondered what prompted that remark.

"So, no text sex, what about phone sex?"

Ianto chuckled. "Only you Jack, only you. I'm going to sleep now."

He could hear Jack pouting down the phone line.

"Ok, I'll call you tomorrow evening, Rift permitting."

"Good night, sir."

"Good night Ianto."

Ianto hung up with a smile on his face, realising that Jack had put it there.

Owen and Ianto parted company in a long wooden corridor. Ianto ended up in Frobisher's office and Owen went off to his briefing with the medical staff. New protocols were being brought into place following the whole Saxon fiasco. It had taken long enough for the agencies to even admit that something terrible had happened. Too many secrets were not being shared and finally it came to covert meetings in dank offices to discuss what would be done if something similar happened again. Ianto listened to the UNIT officers, the MI5 flunkies and Frobisher's team as they hashed out plan after plan. He said nothing, just listened and made copious amounts of notes, not wanting for Jack to miss any of the detail. He didn't like the men in the room and he noted somewhat dismally that there were no women here. The blame went back and forth between these people, they argued they swore and they glared at one another. Ianto was grateful for the fact that any weapons had been left at the door.

The day slid by, not that anyone noticed in this dankness and food was brought in and the break was a welcome relief. Ianto still remained quiet, taking in Frobisher's haunted eyes and wondering what his secret was. They all had them in this room, some more terrible than others, Ianto imagined that his were pretty damming. It was the nature of their jobs, dirty, undercover work that the rest of the world really wouldn't want to know about. Ianto refused the lunch and the coffee. He didn't trust what was offered to him and decided he'd cope with the hunger and thirst until he got back to the hotel. His distrust of the place and people was instinctive.

At 4pm the new Minister of Defence joined them. She looked harried and fed up and the moment she stepped into the room the mood shifted to one of heightened weariness. Ianto baulked when she held out her hand to him and smiled in greeting.

"Mr Jones. It's a pleasure to meet you. Jack speaks very highly of you."

Ianto grasped her soft, warm hand and shook it gently. "Ma'am." Was all he could manage. She sat beside him and the talking resumed and Ianto wasn't allowed to remain silent as she turned to him and asked his opinion. Suddenly all these highly powerful men were looking at him. Ianto recognised undisguised annoyance, complete astonishment and open distrust in all of them and he was angry.

He sucked in a steadying breath. "I think you are all fools vying for control of an untenable notion. None of you communicate effectively with one another and you all have your own agendas. Clearly the lessons from Torchwood One haven't been learnt. The Doctor won't always be here to help us when things go wrong and unless we start working together instead bargaining with secrets we will never be able to guard this planet effectively."

The silence was deafening and Ianto considered crawling under the oak table at this point until he heard a gentle chuckle from the woman on his left.

"There gentlemen. You see why this man is here? Ianto Jones has a rather unique perspective on our short comings. It's always the quiet ones. I suggest you listen to him because he is right and quite frankly I'd rather have him running UNIT than any of you in here."

The glaring would have cut Ianto to pieces were it physically manifest. Ianto sat there rigid with shock.

Frobisher broke the moment. "I suggest we reconvene in the morning." He was already closing up his open folders and moving back from the expanse of the table.

Ianto stepped out of the room and shoved his PDA into his pocket and sighed. He was tired, overwhelmed in fact and he followed the UNIT guard dutifully because he just wanted to get out and get some air. Then he caught sight of the guard's face and his guts froze. He grabbed the man's arm and pulled him to a stop. They looked at each other and finally the other man recognised him as well. Ianto remembered, he'd never forget the blade that sliced open Jack's gut on board the Valiant. He lunged throwing the heavier man to the floor on to his back. Ianto was on him, fists pounding into him as he screamed his rage. The guard tried to force him off waving his machine gun and Ianto grabbed it and threw it aside. He kicked and punched and screamed. He was still screaming when two men from the meeting pulled him away.

Jack rolled off his bunk and grabbed his phone from the floor. He wasn't surprised to get a call from Owen. Somehow he knew something had gone awry in London, because Ianto had not answered his phone earlier.

"Owen what's up?" Jack got dressed as he spoke into the phone which was left on speaker on his bunk.

"Get your arse over here now Jack. Ianto's in trouble."

He snapped his braces.

"What kind of trouble?"

"Just get here Harkness ASAP, a UNIT chopper is coming to pick you up from Cardiff Airport. I'll tell you when you get here."


	6. Chapter 6

**PART SIX**

It was a pitiful sight and Jack had to swallow down his rage and stomach it as he was lead into the concrete chamber that passed for a UNIT holding cell. Ianto sat huddled on the floor in the corner in a set of oversized bright orange overalls. His wrists were handcuffed together and his bare feet in similar though slightly longer restraints. Jack stood at the door for moment before sucking in a fortifying breath and dismissing the guard who then wouldn't budge and leave them alone. Jack wanted to kill the man, but realised how futile that thought was, the boy probably had orders. Jack glared at him anyway before stepping fully into the cell. Ianto had his face buried under his arms and didn't move.

"Ianto?" He crouched down beside the younger man and gently touched his arm. "Ianto whatever happened?" He asked softly.

Ianto looked up, bleary eyed and with a bruised face. His expression crumbled into sobs and Jack pulled him into his arms and let him howl. Ianto's body shook against his but the younger man appeared unable to find his speech. Jack held him close and soothed down his messy hair, whispering and cooing. He was disturbed by footsteps in the doorway and Jack looked up to see Owen and a strange woman standing in the entrance.

"Jack, this is Emily Stapleton, the new Minister for Defence." Owen explained as they entered the dismal room. Owen came over to check on his younger colleague.

"He's going to be released Captain Harkness, mitigating circumstances. I think you should take the young man home and get him some help. No charges will be brought against him." She spoke with a soft Irish accent and Jack looked up at her with something bordering on relief on his face.

"Thank you."

She appeared to want to help in some way and watched as the two men fussed over their distraught team mate.

"He's a fine young man. The officer he assaulted had been on board the Valiant. Mr Jones recognised him as the man that had tortured both himself and you, so the matter will be closed. Now if you'll excuse me I shall ask this guard to release those cuffs."

Jack sighed, it all made sense then. Ianto had finally snapped after months of bottling up his rage and distress. He was suddenly aware of Owen's gaze upon him.

"Jack, let's get him back to the hotel."

They hauled Ianto to his feet as he steadfastly clung to Jack's coat. The guard edged forwards and removed the restraints.

"If you'd like to come this way, our medic can take a look at him."

Jack glared. "No, we're leaving."

Ianto didn't register the journey back to the Hotel as he remained withdrawn in Jack's arms all the way back. Owen dismissed the soldier who had driven them back with a curt nod and he followed Jack and Ianto back to Ianto's room. Once there Ianto appeared to come to his senses a little and he prized himself from Jack's embrace and went to the bathroom for a shower. Jack stood by the door listening the entire time Ianto was in there and Owen ordered room service because he was hungry and fed up. It was some time before Ianto emerged from the bathroom and Jack had been ready to burst in there and find out what he was doing. He stepped out in T- shirt and saggy jeans, his face sporting a blossoming bruise that looked remarkably like the imprint of a gun butt. Jack guided him to sit on the edge of the bed and then Owen waved Jack aside and passed him his room key.

"Go get my bag will you?"

Jack nodded and did as he was asked.

Owen crouched down in front of Ianto, who sat with his head down and hands clasped on his lap.

"Ianto mate, let me have a look at your face." He prompted gently.

Ianto looked at him, his eyes reddened from crying. Owen carefully grasped his chin and tilted his head to get a better look.

"Did they hit you anywhere else?"

"No, just there, the once. Just to knock me out."

"Ok. You wanna explain what happened?"

Ianto shrugged. "Not really."

Owen huffed out a sigh and was about to admonish his team mate when Jack breezed back into the room, bag in hand. He passed it to Owen and sat down beside Ianto, sliding an arm over his shoulder. Ianto sagged against him.

"I'm sorry Jack. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Let Owen look at you, then I think you should get some sleep."

Ianto nodded and Owen got to work with his Bekaran scanner.

"You're fine, just bruising and shock. I'm going to give you a sedative and tomorrow we are going to discuss anti depressants......"

Ianto narrowed his eyes at the medic.

"No arguments Ianto. You're lucky they didn't shoot you. You need to let me help otherwise I will sign you unfit for duty and not even Jack can do anything about that."

Finally Ianto nodded, realising that Jack wasn't about to argue with Owen about it.

"Good. Now let me see your arm please."

It didn't take long for the sedative to take effect and once Ianto was asleep under the covers Jack and Owen sat themselves at the table to eat the food delivered earlier.

"So Jack, I think you know what all that was about, certainly the new defence Minister knows more than I do. I need answers, if he is to recover."

Jack gulped down his pint of water and set the empty glass down, his gaze falling on the sleeping man behind Owen.

"He was tortured and I was tortured, on board the Valiant. The man he attacked must have been the one who did it. You'll never get him to talk, God knows I've tried but Ianto is a master at deflection. He keeps telling me he isn't ready to deal with it and he's slowly been getting more...... I don't know, like he is sinking."

"He is sinking Jack. Isn't there a counsellor or something, someone who knows about Torchwood? There must be someone who can listen objectively without us having to Retcon them after." Owen knew he wasn't qualified to deal with Ianto's problems and the prescription pad wasn't nearly enough help.

Jack was thoughtful. "There is some one. I went to her after Alex..... in 2000. I've known her a long time. I'll ask her. She may not, she's retired now I think the only Torchwood employee to actually leave with her memories intact."

Owen watched him for a moment. "Another ex?"

Jack shook his head. "I knew her parents during the war. They were both killed in an air raid in London, so I raised her for a few years, she became part of Torchwood and I disappeared her when she wanted to leave. She's a good soul, has a good ear."

"You really think she can help?"

"I don't know who else to ask. It's my fault Owen. I never helped him after Canary Wharf, at the very least as head of Torchwood I should have done something."

"Yeah well, you and me both. But guilt tripping isn't going to make things right and it does little for my image so I am going to pretend we didn't have this conversation. You just call your friend and tomorrow I start him on the tablets whether he likes it or not."

Owen got to his feet and gathered up his bag. "I'll see you in the morning."

Jack nodded and watched him leave before settling his gaze back to Ianto.


	7. Chapter 7

**PART SEVEN**

**AN: I know many of you are not fussed on OCs but Jack has had a long life and not all of the people he meets end up in his bed......So here's me OCing.....And finally some happier Ianto???????**

"You'd better come in Jack. It's so lovely to see you."

Emma shuffled back along the hallway and into her little lounge. The moment she plonked herself into her armchair, Sybil her Siamese cat was up on her ample lap, staking her claim.

Jack sat himself on the couch opposite and the cat eyed him with contempt as cats generally did before settling herself down for a nap and some fuss. Jack smiled at the cat and Emma grinned back.

"She always was a snotty cat, that's what happens when someone cuter than she is comes into the house and you always piss her off Jack." Gnarled, arthritic hands rubbed at soft, dark ears and Jack could hear the distinct rumble of purring.

"How are you Emma?"

"I can't complain Jack. Except for the fact that I haven't heard from you in almost a year, until yesterday that is. Care to tell me what's been going on?"

Jack sort of smiled, aware that he could hide nothing from her old eyes. "How about I make tea and explain everything."

"I think that is an excellent idea, you know where everything is and you'll find Boris in the bread bin and the bread in the green tin."

Boris, Jack discovered was another cat, a smaller, less snooty version of the one on Emma's lap.

They sat in her lounge, a little time capsule of 40's trinkets and faded wall paper from the sixties. Emma had lived in the house since the war and it was owned by Jack. He'd taken good care of her over the years.

"So, tell me everything."

Tea was poured and sandwiches eaten and the two of them talked of nonsense and times gone by. Anyone not in the know would take them for mother and son, sometimes that illusion was made real to any one on the outside who asked.

Jack arched an eyebrow. "You know I can't tell you everything." He added eventually.

Emma chuckled. "You never change, do you Jack? So Ianto Jones, he's the reason you called me, tell me about him."

Jack finished his cup of tea and carefully placed the china cup and saucer down.

"He needs help and I don't know what to do for him. When Alex died you helped me, brought me back from the brink of despair. I think Ianto's in that place."

"It matters to you."

Jack smiled. "He does, all of my team do, but Ianto especially. He's been there for me, but it hasn't been an easy journey for either of us." Jack was wringing his hands before he realised it. "I don't want to lose him. I already lost Suzie and I should have seen that coming. Sometimes I think I am just too close to see what's really going on."

"Do you love him Jack?"

There was no denying it, not to this woman who probably knew him better than anyone else did.

"Yes."

"Does he know?"

Jack shrugged turning away from her scrutiny. "He once told me that he wasn't good enough to be loved by anyone, that everyone he cares about dies. It's why he won't visit his sister and her family. He's so lonely and he won't let me in to help."

"How old is he?"

"He's just a boy, barely 24 and he's older than me in so many ways. You see it in his eyes, too much knowledge. Things he should never have to know."

Emma smiled. "You described the Doctor that way, are you still in love with him too?"

Jack laughed at that and it surprised him to discover that there was no longer the tang of bitterness attached to that sound.

"I love him, but I am not in love with him. The new version is a little too skinny for my taste and I'm not sure about the coat either. Ianto met him, but I don't know what passed between them." He trailed off with a sigh. The silence that followed punctuated by the ticking of the wall hung pendulum clock.

"Bring him to see me, sounds like he could use some cat therapy."

Jack looked at her, even now at 73 she was beautiful like Estelle had been.

"Your mother and father would be very proud of you." He said sincerely.

The smile was back even if it was a little wistful. "Now then Jack tell me about the dinosaur, how is she doing?"

Ianto sat in the front passenger seat of the SUV, hunched over the PDA in his hands. The data being sent by Tosh was sporadic and the device was clearly not working properly. He tapped the screen and swore drawing Gwen's attention from behind the steering wheel. She drove on, waiting for instructions. Ianto was glad it was her and not Jack, at least Gwen didn't break the speed limit just for the sake of it. Ianto tapped his com and spoke to Tosh.

"The data isn't uploading Tosh, talk us through it."

He nodded as she relayed instructions and Ianto smiled faintly at Gwen.

"You'll love this, we're going to Splott."

Gwen grinned back at her younger colleague. "Oh, rapture. I'm sure Jack took the afternoon off because he knew it was coming." She was pleased she had the chance to go out with Ianto and she made a great effort to be cheerful for his benefit, after the disasterous trip to London. No one had bothered to explain what had happened and when she'd cornered Jack and demanded an explanation, he'd been extremely evasive. Owen had been watching Ianto like a hawk and Gwen also discovered that Tosh was being kept in the dark as well.

"Tosh reckons it's pretty small, whatever it is."

Ianto dumped the offending PDA in the glove box.

"Oh good, that means we'll get back in time for Chinese."

"I think Owen wanted Indian."

Gwen snorted. "He would..... nothing like a Vindaloo to stink out the Hub for week."

"Just so long as it's not pizza, I think my waistline is starting to expand again."

Gwen glanced at him. "No way, you look gorgeous in those suits and you certainly don't need to worry about what size you are. I'm in agreement though, I've chosen my wedding dress and I want to still be able to fit into it, bloody thing cost a fortune."

Ianto had seen the picture and admired her good taste. "You'll look beautiful Gwen, Rhys will be blown away when he sees you."

Gwen smiled and blushed. "Why, thank you Ianto."

She turned into a terraced street. "This looks like it.... Tosh where abouts?"

Both Ianto and Gwen listened as she pulled up and double parked the SUV. Ianto reached into the back seat and grabbed the hand scanner and tool kit that they were testing out. Tosh had been developing the device over the past few months. He turned it on and waited for it to finish its start up sequence and then he grinned when it did what it was designed to do.

"This is great. Tosh I've got a fix. Gwen and I can take it from here."

They got out of the car and stepped onto the pavement. Ianto held up the scanner and Gwen looked up and down the quiet street. The schools hadn't closed for the day yet so apart from an elderly man walking away from them, there was no one about. The signal brought them to a red front door and so Gwen pulled out her council ID badge and knocked, rattling the letter box. A dog was barking excitedly on the other side and they could hear its tail thumping against the wood. No one answered the door though.

Ianto huffed out an impatient sigh and then stuck his hand into his pocket for his keys. To Gwen's utter astonishment he had the front door open in seconds and a large black dog shot out to greet them with a wagging tail. Ianto petted it's head and stepped inside, Gwen hot on his heels as she closed the door at their backs.

"Ianto! What the hell are you thinking?"

He chose to ignore the question as the dog ambled past them.

"It's in here." Ianto walked down the hallway careful to avoid treading on the multitude of brightly coloured children's toys that littered the worn carpeted floor. They ended up in a small kitchen at the back of the house and quickly discovered what had come through the rift.

A small luminescant cube that sat on the floor, looking innocent enough. Gwen bent closer to get a better look but Ianto held her back immediately recognising what it was.

"Stay back. It's emitting Huron Radiation." He put down his tool kit and opened it up. Gwen watched in worried silence as Ianto pulled out oversized tongs and a padded containment bag.

"What is it?"

Ianto shrugged. "If it's like the others, well I can give you reference numbers, we have four in storage, this will be the fifth. Jack reckoned they're buoys like you have in the ocean for signals about reefs and harbours but these ones are for planets, like runway lights for incoming space craft."

"So it's harmless then?"

"Well they're not weapons, but the radiation needs to be contained." He explained bagging the item with care and sealing it in the tool case. They both glanced around the very ordinary looking room, this mornings dirty dishes still on the work top. Ianto did a double check of his scanner.

"Looks like that was it."

Gwen straightened up and helped Ianto to his feet with a smile. "Nice and easy, it's a shame more of our jobs aren't like that."

The dog wandered over and looked up at them with large soulful eyes. Ianto rubbed its head.

"Good dog."

Gwen joined him in fussing it. "He's very handsome."

Ianto smiled. "Come on lets go before his owners get back."

They left the house and got back into the SUV. Gwen keyed the ignition.

"So the house breaking thing....... where did you learn that?"

Ianto shrugged. "You don't want to know."

Gwen did, it startled her seeing Ianto do something so naughty so easily.

"I do Ianto, you're so prim and neat and here you are house breaker, gunslinger, pteradon whisperer and coffee god." She grinned that big gap toothed smile at him and Ianto couldn't help but smile back.

He didn't tell her, just proceeded to check in with Tosh over the coms.

"Right then.... Chinese it is and Owen will just have to lump it." He said finally.

Gwen nodded her agreement. "Sounds good to me. Do you think Jack will want anything?"

Ianto hadn't a clue. "I'll just do the usual order. If Jack's not back in time to eat it I'm sure Owen will finish it off."

This was probably true, for such a skinny man Owen ate an enormous amount of food, junk food normally and Gwen was jealous that he never put on an ounce in weight.

"Mr Chung's then?"

Ianto nodded and dialled the number the fourth on his speed dial list. He ordered as Gwen drove. By the time they got back to the Hub with food Jack was back from where ever it was he had gone to. The team sat around the boardroom table happily laughing and joking while Gwen recounted the tale of Ianto's slick breaking and entering routine. It was a happy good humoured end to a long relatively uneventful day. Owen and Gwen were on the night shift and so shortly after they had all eaten Tosh and Ianto went home and soon after Jack left the Hub and followed Ianto back to his house.


	8. Chapter 8

**PART EIGHT**

Gwen finished typing her report on the cube that she and Ianto had retrieved earlier that day, she wasn't over fussed on the admin, but it would save trying to remember the details later and Ianto would be able to complete the filing first thing in the morning. She glanced up with a cheery smile as Jack left the Hub and Gwen found herself wondering where her enigmatic boss was off to. She heard Owen pottering about in the autopsy bay as he set about starting more tests on the new Retcon. He'd also found and caught a couple of his missing lab rats and she could hear him talking to them as he worked, explaining to them how naughty they were for escaping in the first place. Gwen smiled to herself as her thoughts went back to Jack and his night time wanderings. Maybe he was back with Ianto, if that were the case they were being extremely discrete about it. Of course, that was Ianto all over, discretion. It couldn't be easy for them trying to work out something more meaningful whilst dealing with Torchwood. It hadn't been easy for her, constantly lying to Rhys, cheating on him, God was that not just the most stupid thing she had ever done? What had Jack said?

"Don't let it drift."

How could she not when Rhys had no idea what she did each day. Gwen sincerely wished she had simply said from the start that she had signed the official secrets act. Rhys would understand that being the upstanding law abiding man that he was. Sometimes she wondered if he thought she was having an affair, there were moments when the doubt shone in his eyes and he would hold her just a moment longer before she walked out of the door. As time went on she found herself yearning for the truth to be told, but she also wanted to keep this life separate from Rhys. Torchwood had no business at home and she didn't want to share, selfishly this was hers and she wanted to keep it that way.

Gwen sighed and rested her hands either side of the keyboard. She loved Rhys, she really did, but he just didn't compare to this life, to Jack. She fingered the sparkling engagement ring that had cost Rhys a month's salary, not that he had complained, anything for her....... Shit, yes, absolutely anything, nothing was too much trouble because he loved her wholly. Gwen knew she didn't deserve it. Too often she looked at Rhys and saw a bumbling, overweight, Welsh bloke with an obsession with Rugby and lasagne. Beside Jack he was.... well there was no comparison, but he loved her, so much. Gwen was pretty certain that Jack didn't do love, not real, home making, be with you forever, domestic love. How could he? Ianto was going to die whether or not Jack loves him and so how could Jack fall in love with anyone he was doomed to outlive? But sometimes when he looked at her with those oh so old eyes, she knew he loved her and had chosen to step away to spare her. Ianto was obviously the fall back position and Gwen pitied and envied her younger colleague in the same breath. Ianto's heart would be broken all over again......

"Oi, Gwen come an' give me a hand with this will ya?"

Gwen sucked in a breath and stood up. "What's occurring Owen?" She wandered into his domain.

"Just wanna get this chap on to the table, he's a heavy bastard."

It was a weevil corpse and Gwen wondered why Owen was going to need to cut it up.

They hefted it over from the dumb waiter and onto the table with thunk.

"Want a coffee?"

"Does rat poo roll?"

Laughing Gwen turned away, grateful for the fact that Ianto had left them with a couple of flasks of his special brew. She was hoping for a quiet night of catching up with her paperwork and following up on the back log of police reports. Maybe she'd be able to talk to Janice or Andy at the station. She busied herself at Ianto's workstation catching site of the small collection of photographs that were taped to the front of the fridge. She had never noticed them before and took time to look at them. It was her team mates, Owen leaning over a body with scalpel in hand, Tosh sitting in her chair with her glasses on and gazing into the middle distance, one of herself standing with a mug in her hands and laughing at some unknown thing and one of Jack, just smiling and looking straight into the camera, Ianto's camera. It was an honest, warm smile, one of deep affection. Gwen gazed at it and realised she had never seen Jack look at her like that. Her gut churned and she realised that she was jealous, she turned away and poured the coffee.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack was surprised when he got no answer as he knocked on Ianto's front door. Sighing he pulled out his keys and let himself into the house, which was in darkness.

"Ianto? Anyone home?"

He was greeted by silence. Closing the door behind him Jack wandered down the hallway to the kitchen. He found Ianto sitting at the kitchen table, the lights were off, the faint, green glow from the display on the stove casting ghoulish shadows across the young man's face. Jack halted in the doorway, uncertain.

"Ianto?"

A sharp breath was hissed out and darkened eyes met his. Jack had never seen the younger man look so defeated.

"Why are the lights off?"

Ianto shrugged. "I didn't notice....." He looked away and sniffed. "I'm getting a cold, I hate getting a snotty nose."

Jack knew how run down he was. "You need some time out?"

He felt rather than saw Ianto smile somewhat bitterly. "Time out from what Jack? Work? My life? These memories? I don't know anymore. I had a nice day today, even Gwen didn't piss me off, but my heart still feels like a lead weight in my chest. I can't remember how to laugh, just for the sake of it. I envy her, she smiles so much."

Jack stepped into the room, flicking the light switch before taking a seat next to Ianto. Ianto blinked away the brightness.

"Sitting here in the black isn't going to help."

Their eyes met again, Ianto's blueness was startling in it's clarity.

"Who am I Jack?"

"You're Jones Ianto Jones, my friend, my lover, brother, uncle, maybe one day you'll even be a father. You'd make a good dad."

Ianto snorted at that and looked down at his hands, he'd picked his fingernails raw.

"That still doesn't answer who I am, that's how you see me. I was joking the other day about that mind probe, it was sick when I think about it. That thing could have killed Beth or made her mad and I was joking about it."

"It's a coping mechanism Ianto, a good one. There's nothing wrong with that. You're a good and decent man, I am lucky to know you. I wish you could believe in yourself the way I believe in you."

The silence came back for a few moments.

"Owen's tablets are making me have nightmares.... well more than I had before. He said I had to give them time to work."

"You ARE taking them aren't you?"

Ianto nodded. "I don't want to be like this Jack, I want to feel better, I just don't know how."

Jack tentatively reached and took his hand. It felt cold and too thin.

"Just give yourself time, give the meds some time and I want you to talk to my friend Emma. I've set it up, she's ex Torchwood, she's knows the drill and she will listen to whatever you have to say in confidence. She helped me, back in 2000."

Ianto dipped his head. "It hurts."

"I know. Do you trust me?"

Ianto nodded.

"Then talk to Emma. I'll take you to see her tomorrow, then you're gonna take some days off and rest, go reconnect with your sister, you need the outside world Ianto, it's what we fight for."

He nodded again, not trusting himself to speak without breaking down, he didn't want to lose it again in front of Jack. His tears betrayed him. Before he registered what was happening Jack had pulled him into his arms, and was holding him, hands gently cradling his head. Ianto closed his eyes breathing in deeply losing himself in the feeling of Jack.

"Thank you." He murmured.

"That's ok. Now I think you should go to bed and sleep, you're tired."

Ianto smiled against the fabric of Jack's coat.

"Stay with?"

"Yeah, stay with."


	9. Chapter 9

**This was a very tough chapter to write....... next up will be Tommy. Sorry my updates are slower than normal but my finals are coming up!**

**PART NINE**

There was a cat on his lap. Ianto just couldn't believe the cheek of it and the damn thing was pawing at his trousers, claws clenching into the wool and scratching at his flesh beneath. The bloody animal was purring. His hands hovered over smoky fur, not sure whether or not to risk being bitten or mauled. The elderly lady who sat opposite, watched him with keen, blue eyes and a faint smile on her rounded face. Ianto looked at her and hesitantly smiled back totally unsure as to what to do with the moggy on his lap. Jack had abandoned him in this strange cluttered lounge that looked like a set piece from Dad's Army..... This woman was supposed to help? He sighed inwardly and realised that he did trust Jack and so by default would trust.... Emma. His hand cautiously brushed against silken fur and suddenly the purring intensified and the claws clenched deeper into his skin, his suit pants were going to be ruined. Ianto felt like a fish out of water. Emma continued to smile kindly at him, a cup and saucer gripped in her hands as she watched him pet her Sybil.

"You're very lucky you know. Most visitors get hissed at. You're the first new lap she's tried out." There was a strong East End twang under her inherited Welsh accent and Ianto wondered what her story was.... God forbid she was once one of Jack's lovers, that thought was just embarrassing. She appeared to interpret the expression o his face.

"It's not what you think. Jack is a friend, always has been, always will be.... but to be frank he never was my type." She said with a chuckle.

Ianto arched an eyebrow, that was a first. "It's nice to finally meet someone immune to his charm." He replied slowly getting used to the presence of the cat.

"So, may I call you Ianto?"

He nodded. "Yes, of course. Miss?"

"Emma, always just Emma. So what do you think of Sybil?"

Ianto glanced down. "She's very friendly. I don't think I've ever heard a cat this loud."

"Jack tells me your pteradon purrs when you feed her."

Ianto's head snapped up. "He did?"

Emma nodded putting down her china. "You found her."

"Yes. It was such a long time ago now, almost two years. We caught her together."

"So she has special meaning for you?"

"Yes, I suppose she does." Ianto wondered at that. He sat, his back rigid, still feeling awkward with the weight on his legs. The silence was made less heavy by the roaring from the cat and sound of a steady tick tock from pendulum clock on the wall behind Ianto. He glanced about him taking in faded sepia photographs and ceramic dogs of all breeds.

"You have live cats and china dogs." He observed.

"Oh yes. Used to have dogs when I was younger. My husband and I had three at one point."

"Your husband?"

Emma's eyes shone a little too brightly and Ianto sighed. "I'm sorry, forgive me."

"Don't be silly dear. He died in 1983, in Northern Ireland, the IRA. He was in the Army." She got to her feet and picked up a portrait from the tiled mantel shelf above the closed off fireplace. The picture was pressed into Ianto's grasp. A man with dark eyes and curly iron grey hair was grinning back from under the peak of a military cap of a high ranking officer. There was a youthful cheekiness despite the middle years. "We were lucky to have the time that we had, especially with me working for Torchwood. I have nothing but happy memories of him and I am grateful for that much."

Ianto passed the photo back.

"Jack asked me to help you Ianto." She said as she turned away repositioning the treasured possession. She shuffled back to her arm chair and plonked herself down, her hands settling onto her normally occupied lap. "He's very worried about you."

Ianto chewed on his lower lip and focussed his attention on the cat he was absently fussing.

"You can sit there and say nothing, or you can talk. I don't mind. Whatever you tell me stays in this room."

He remained quiet for some time. Jack had told him that he could say anything to this woman, that she would understand.

"Ianto?"

He looked up, only to meet genuine concern and compassion. He hitched a smile.

"I don't know where to start." He really didn't. "What do I say? I'm depressed and God if even that doesn't sound so pathetic."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why pathetic, Ianto?"

He stared at her friendly face for a moment and then shook his head. "I feel weak, cluttered with all this crap in my head. I want to be there for Jack and the others and there's this wall of rubbish in my mind that just keeps cluttering up my life. There are things I just want to forget."

"He told me you tried to take Retcon and that it failed."

Ianto nodded, wondering how much Jack had said.

"So why do you want to forget?"

He closed his eyes and saw Jack's guts spread out across a gleaming floor. They snapped open and he sucked in a steadying breath.

"I feel guilty." He eventually replied.

"So you want to assuage that?"

Ianto shrugged and fell silent whilst he processed the question.

"I hurt Jack. I hurt a lot of people. We were both tortured. The world died, Lisa died, Canary Wharf, Liam, Tad, Mam. Everyone I love dies. I just..... I can't lose any one else." Somehow he knew that she would understand that.

"But that's grief Ianto, not guilt."

"Most of it is guilt, most of it is my fault. Jack says it's not and that's fine but I.... I don't believe him. So much of what has happened has been my doing....." He trailed off looking down at the cat who's bright blue eyes met his.

"He told me you you've had a rough life."

"Like I said.... people die." He muttered.

Emma sat patiently quiet for a moment. "Who was the first?"

Ianto looked up, momentarily confused. It then dawned on him and he felt his whole body wilt.

"My mam, when I was three."

"Of course, that's obviously your fault."

Ianto nodded. "She had ovarian cancer, she stopped her hormone treatments so she could have a second baby, which was me, the cancer got worse during the pregnancy...... Tad always said it was my fault that she died."

"You've carried his words ever since?"

She watched the young man chew at his lower lip. "I spose."

"You know that it is not your fault, don't you? Cancer is no one's fault Ianto, it's an illness and your mother made a choice."

A tear tracked over his pale cheek and Ianto wiped at it, wanting to remove the offending display of emotion. He wondered what the hell he was doing there, with this strange old lady friend of Jack's. He wanted out, but he sat there rigid once again, trying to haul himself in.

Emma thought he looked like he was in pain.

"My parents died in the one of the last bombing raids in London during the war. I was here in Cardiff as an evacuee at the time. It was Jack who came to tell me. I was only eleven and there was no one else. I spent a long time feeling guilty for surviving. I hated Jack for surviving. I hated a lot of things. No one is to blame Ianto, sometimes people die. Your Tad should not have said those things to you."

"He was broken without her, we were all broken."

"Do you speak to your father about it now?"

Ianto shook his head minutely. "He's dead, but we never talked much."

"That's what Jack says about you, not one for talking."

"Well to be honest, when I'm with him I can hardly can get a word out." Ianto replied.

Emma smiled and then Ianto did too.

"He can be rather loud."

"You have no idea."

"So, what does the Hub look like these days?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "I don't suppose it's changed much. We did do a bit of redecorating, made the boardroom look less like a tube station, but it's still mostly white tile and manky old Victorian brickwork. The new showers are nicer though."

"You must spend a lot of time there."

"We all do, too long really. There's only five of us."

"In my day there were nine people based in Cardiff and Jack.... he was still sort of freelance in those days, it was busy then. I keep telling Jack to bring in more people."

Ianto shuddered at the thought, more young lives at risk. "We manage."

"What about you and Jack? He told me about you both."

Ianto shrugged, torn between his own confusion and his need for privacy. He didn't know what to say, because he didn't know what it was between them, he still had to figure out who he was too.

"I'm sorry.... of course not my business. Just being a bit nosy. He talks about you a lot, well he used to before he disappeared for all that time. Now he just worries."

Ianto didn't reply, his hands back to fussing the cat. "May I ask you something?"

Emma smiled. "Yes, of course." She was sipping her tea again.

"How long did it take for you to stop hurting after your parents died?"

Emma lowered the cup and carefully placed it down, giving Ianto her full attention.

"I've never stopped hurting. I miss them every day, but the sadness is a tiny thing that only grabs me occasionally, mostly I think of them and it makes me smile. I was a very loved little girl and Jack picked up where they were forced to leave off. I always had someone to care, I was lucky."

Ianto felt his heart sink into his stomach. "I'm being selfish. I know I am. I don't miss my Tad but sometimes I just want to be normal, to have memories of good times so that I can share them, but.... but there's nothing there. Even Lisa is tainted by that thing that she became."

Emma knew, but she asked anyway. "Lisa?"

"My girlfriend until the Cybermen came. We were going to get married and move to Australia.... huh.... what a joke!" He replied sharply. "I hate her some days."

"Why?"

"Because she changed into a monster and it made me into a liar and a cheat. I hate what I became for her. I hurt Jack and two people died."

"Were you trying to save her, this woman that you loved?"

Ianto nodded. "She was all I had, the first person to just love me for who I was."

"Perhaps what you did was wrong, but you didn't do it for money, or drugs or any other material thing, you did it for love because you wanted her to be safe and for the two of you to be happy. There's no shame in your motives Ianto. Jack will understand that more than most I can assure you. Sometimes there is no choice for us, we just do because we feel we have to. You're still here, still fighting and most importantly you have not lost sight of your conscience. As painful as that can be, it has to be admired."

Ianto wasn't inclined to agree with her, but said nothing and contented himself with listening to the cat, feeling the vibrations of it's purring running through his thighs. The buzzing intensified and it took him a moment to register the fact that his phone was needing attention. He shoved his hand into the pocket of his trousers, dislodging the cat, which turned and leapt to the floor with an indignant hiss.

"Excuse me."

Ianto was relieved, until he saw the caller ID. He cancelled the call not wanting to talk to his sister. Emma watched for a moment and sat back in her chair to allow Sybil up on to her lap. Ianto held his phone in shaking hands.

"Sorry about that." Ever the polite gentleman.

"It's alright. I think you've said as much as you want to."

Ianto was startled to see her pull out her own Nokia from somewhere in depths of the side of her arm chair.

"I'll call Jack and he'll come inside and take you home." She made the call and then hung up and looked at Ianto with determined eyes.

"Come back and see me again. I don't get many visitors. You don't have to say anything you don't want Ianto, but I do have good ears."

Ianto nodded and rose to his feet resisting the urge to brush cat hair off of his legs.

"Can I tidy these up for you?" He gestured to the tea tray between them.

"Just pop it in the kitchen dear, I can wash them up later."

Ianto did just that and was returning to the lounge when Jack blustered in through the front door. The two men stood in the lounge and Jack was beaming as bent down and kissed Emma's cheek.

"You got that shopping list for me?"

A slip of paper was handed over. "Thank you Jack."

"You're welcome. I hope Ianto behaved himself." Jack straightened up flashing one of his flirtacious smiles. Ianto rolled his eyes and gathered up his coat.

"He's a perfect gentleman, so I expect to see more of him."

Ianto nodded, but his smile was forced.

"Don't worry, you will." Jack assured her. "I shall drop these things by on Thursday." He added waving the piece of paper before stuffing it into the pocket of his greatcoat. "We gotta get back to work."

Ianto glanced at his watch. "Yes, Owen will be having caffeine issues."

They said their goodbyes and Ianto hurriedly left the house and got into the passenger side of the SUV, Jack followed a few minutes later. The journey back to the Hub was quiet and distinctly uncomfortable. Ianto was just too preoccupied and Jack wasn't sure what to say to break his silence.


	10. Chapter 10

**PART TEN**

Ianto's head was spinning, so he did what he always did and made a beeline for the archives with the excuse of refilling the glass photographic plates. Not entirely an excuse. They needed refilling anyway because he didn't want them damaged, they were the only pictures of Harriet Derbyshire on record and he wanted them preserved properly. He had been pleased to see that Owen had chased after Tosh after she left the Hub and Jack had done as he had, but he'd shut himself away in his office instead. Ianto located the correct box files and lovingly placed the plates within wrapping each one in protective packing. He was sliding the box back onto the shelf when he felt a presence behind him. Sighing he turned, expecting Jack, but it was Gwen and Ianto failed to hide to his surprise at her being there. Gwen was glancing around the room, looking thoroughly out of place.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

Gwen smiled faintly and met his neutral look with one of..... actually Ianto wasn't sure what.

"I wanted to apologise to you."

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "You've done something? Is my coffee machine ok?"

Gwen chuckled not realising that Ianto was being serious.

"I was a bit insensitive, yesterday when we were looking at the photos. I know you lost so many friends and Lisa, I just didn't think. You've been so quiet lately, I just wanted to buck you up and it didn't really come out right, so I am sorry."

Ianto gaped at her not even sure what was talking about, all she had done was tell him to cheer up. His heart clenched in his chest, Gwen of all people.

"Thank you, apology accepted, though it wasn't really needed to be said."

"Do you think Tosh will be alright?"

Ianto went to his little desk and picked up a sheet paper that was waiting there.

"In time. We try to prepare ourselves for the inevitable, but it never works when it comes to matters of the heart. Tosh knew him for four days or four years depending on how you look at it. We can't control who we fall in love with, we just have to hope to do right by them." He held up the piece of paper. "This is where Tommy is buried. Can I ask you a favour?"

Gwen nodded.

"I can't face going to another cemetery, I just can't. The soldiers that were executed were given a memorial a few years back. Tommy's name is on there. It's near Manchester, could you take Tosh up to see it? I think it may help her." Ianto passed over the sheet and Gwen took it looking at Ianto properly, probably for the first time since she had met him. He really did take care of them all in ways she never could.

"We'll make a day of it. I'll talk to Jack."

"I've gave him the heads up about it. He suggested I take her when I told him, but I ......."

"It's ok pet."

It wasn't really, but Ianto offered up a grateful smile and then gestured with his hand.

"Coffee?"

"Oh, yes. I think we deserve one, shall I go out and get pastries?"

They linked arms and walked from the archive. "I think cakes are a very good idea."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack looked up and smiled when Gwen stepped into his office with a mug of coffee in her hand.

"Don't worry, Ianto made it." She was smiling too, she always did around him and Jack adored her for it.

He took the mug. "Thank you, I was beginning to think Ianto had forgotten what time it was."

"He's feeding Myfanwy."

Jack took a sip from the striped mug and sighed with content. "God that's good. So Miss Cooper, what can I do for you?"

Gwen just watched his display of happiness, his smooth unblemished face with eyes that carried so much weight. Her heart fluttered as it always did when she saw him.

"Ianto told me about Tommy's memorial."

Jack nodded. "He's had the information on standby for some time, always hoping we'd never have to use it. Tuesday is a good day, the Rift predictor indicates a quiet day. You girls could have a nice day out and Tosh will hopefully get some closure."

Gwen slid into the chair opposite Jack and made herself comfortable.

"Do you think she'll be alright?"

Jack drank more of his coffee and sincerely wished that Ianto were in the room, sitting on the edge of his desk. He shook his head, this was getting silly. Gwen was gazing at him with those wide clear eyes of hers.

"She'll be fine. Tosh has seen lot. I just wish she'd stop falling in love with impossible people."

Gwen couldn't agree more.

"She and Ianto would be good together." She commented, almost to herself as she glanced out of the window and saw the younger man petting their dinosaur on the upper gantry.

Jack followed her gaze. "What makes you say that?"

"They're both smart and quiet, and efficient and lonely too."

Jack baulked. "You think Ianto is lonely?"

Gwen met his startled look. "Yes, he's very sad too. He got very down yesterday when we were looking through the old pictures."

Jack filed that piece of information away. "Did you know that apart from me and Archie in Scotland he's the longest serving member of Torchwood?"

Gwen shook her head. "He's too young."

"It's his life Gwen, he's made it his life.... especially since Lisa."

"There should be someone who's there for him, the same for Tosh and Owen. I go home Jack and Rhys is there, even though I can't tell him what this life is like, he's still there for me." Sometimes she wished it was it was Jack instead and her look told him quite clearly that that was the case.

Jack was still watching Ianto. "He's not alone Gwen. As for Owen and Tosh, they'll find each other eventually, hopefully before it is too late."

Gwen couldn't resist. "So you and Ianto?"

Jack shot her a narrowed eyed look, trying to assess her motive for the question.

"Yes, Ianto and I." There was nothing he wanted to add to that as he remembered the kiss they had shared the previous night, one that Ianto initiated. It had been one of those rare moments when everything that needed to be said had been spoken in that one gesture. Jack would treasure that memory for a long time to come. His lips still burned from the contact. He returned his gaze to the gantry and Ianto was still there handing the dinosaur her treats and rubbing her neck. He watched as Ianto cooed and smiled. He would make a wonderful father one day. Jack's gut tightened with remorse once again. Some things are never meant to be. Gwen watched the change in his face.

"Jack, are you alright?"

He was caught off guard.

"Look at him Gwen. He's beautiful. His love is so powerful and understated."

Gwen watched as well and finally she understood why Jack clearly loved him, because she loved Rhys in much the same way.

"I know, we're lucky to have him."

"Yes, we are."


	11. Chapter 11

**PART ELEVEN**

Asda was a nightmare. Ianto hated supermarkets at the best of times but tonight had been sheer torture. He had never seen so many screaming kids and was surprised to discover himself feeling intimidated by a group of hooded teenagers in the dairy section. He dumped his three shopping bags into the boot of his car, and rolled the empty trolley into the parking stack. His hands were shaking and his chest felt tight as sweat beaded on his forehead. Panic gripped him as he ran back to his Lexus and slumped into the driver's seat and leant against the steering wheel. It was some time before he felt collected enough to key the ignition. His hands shook as he drove, keeping well in the speed limit. He was relieved when he finally got back to his house, until he spotted Jack waiting on his door step. He was half tempted to drive away but realised he'd been spotted as he parked up a few yards further down the street. Jack was there as Ianto got out of his car his bright grin falling away almost immediately.

"Are you ok?"

Ianto sighed and shook his head. "Can you believe it? I'm less worried by a pack of weevils than a herd of teenagers?" There was no point in lying, there were too many lies and Ianto was trying his best to break his defensive habit of mistruth. Jack gently grasped his arm, his gaze sliding to Ianto's 'not at work' clothes, before moving back to meet his gaze.

"I think you need some sweet tea."

Ianto had to smile at that. "Yeah, maybe." He handed Jack his car keys. "The shopping is in the boot, could you?"

Jack nodded. "You go in, I'll get this."

"Thanks Jack."

A few minutes later and Jack found Ianto sitting at his dining table with a glass of water in front of him. He looked shaken and Jack kept glancing at the younger as he unpacked the carrier bags of groceries, smiling at the bananas and tub of double cream.

"Maybe you should talk to Owen tomorrow." He said trying to sound casual.

Ianto sipped at his water, feeling a little better by now. "I think I will, it was weird, like vertigo....... I panicked Jack..... well nearly anyway. I got to the car in time, but I feel silly now."

Jack sat opposite him with his glass of water. "Talk to Owen."

"I will, I promise, first thing tomorrow." Ianto sucked in a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. The front doorbell rang. Slightly perplexed Ianto got to his feet wondering who would come to visit him, he never had visitors. Jack was trailing a pace behind him as Ianto opened his front door. A young woman was standing there, her arms folded across her chest. She had a friendly smile on her pretty face as she stuck out her hand. Ianto briefly shook it, rather taken aback.

"Hi, my name is Jess, I just moved in next door with my husband Tom and our kids, I just wanted to introduce myself. We've been here a few weeks and have hardly seen who lives here. We're having a bar b q on Saturday and I was wondering if you'd like to come?" Her accent was Northern English.

Ianto just gaped, speechless and Jack edged forwards and shook her hand as well, adding his dazzling grin in for good measure.

"That's Ianto, he lives here..... as you can see he's a little dumbstruck. I'm Jack."

Jess smiled even more. Ianto arched an eyebrow.

"Er hello, well it's nice to meet you Jess." He said.

"Please say you'll come.... and you Jack, it would be great to meet you both properly."

Ianto was perplexed but he kept his face neutral and wondered how on Earth he was going to get out of the invitation politely. Jack beat him to it.

"We'd love to come, wouldn't we Ianto?"

Ianto almost gagged. "Er, yes. That would be very nice. Thank you."

"Brilliant, 2pm start."

Ianto nodded. "Right, thank you. See you then."

Jess stepped back with a cheery wave. "See you." She turned away and Ianto closed the door. The moment it was closed he faced Jack.

"What was that all about?"

Jack just grinned. "Just being neighbourly."

"But you don't live here!"

"You do and if I hadn't have said anything you would have declined."

Ianto huffed. "Yes I would have. Jack what about work?"

"If there's an alert we'll give our excuses and leave the party..... come on Ianto, live a little."

Jack watched him shake his head and sighed. "It'll be good for you, you spend far too much at the Hub with no life outside of it."

"Fine, I'll go if it makes you happy."

Jack frowned. "This isn't about my happiness Ianto, it's about yours." He said seriously.

They looked at each other for a long time before Ianto finally sagged his tense shoulders. He hitched the smallest of smiles.

"You staying for dinner?"

"Are you cooking?"

Ianto nodded. Jack grinned.

"Bananas and cream for dessert?"

Another nod.

Jack kissed his cheek and grabbed his hand. "Come on then."

"I'll lower the dose a bit mate. I spoke to an old colleague and she reckoned I should halve the dose you're currently on."

Owen plonked himself down in his chair and wrote down some notes on his chart. Ianto was pulling on his shirt.

"Is that panic thing likely to happen again?"

Owen faced him, chewing on his biro. "It's not uncommon with PTSD, sometimes the triggers are entirely random."

"Am I fit for duty Owen?" Ianto was worried about letting the rest of the team down in a crisis.

"I don't think you should be out in the field. I'll discuss that with Jack."

Ianto fastened his tie. "I don't want to be a liability."

Owen watched the younger man carefully. "Mate, you are not that. There's nothing wrong with recovering from trauma, you've just never given yourself the time to recover from the things that have happened to you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just keep filing and making that damn fine coffee and give yourself time to heal. Did Jack sort out someone for you to talk to?"

Ianto slid on his jacket and perched his arse against the edge of the metal exam table.

"Yes, she's a little unusual..... she has cats. One of them sat on me and left hairs all over my legs."

Owen shook his head. "Could have been worse, she could have had a lama or ferrets. You never know with Jack's friends."

Ianto couldn't disagree the point.

"Just keep taking the Fluoxitine at a lower dose and we'll review in another couple of weeks, ok?"

Ianto nodded.

"Anything else, Tea Boy?"

Ianto was pleased to hear his familiar moniker, Owen was back in bastard mode now after finishing his consult.

"Coffee then?"

"Oh yes, I didn't get one earlier, no thanks to Captain Jack pants. Biscuits as well, chocolate ones with the cream in the middle."

Ianto rolled his eyes and wandered out of Owen's domain. "Boardroom in ten minutes then."

Ianto was less than thrilled about Rhys William's presence in the Hub. It went against every protocol, but he kept his mouth shut and smiled politely in all the right places. Jack was behaving like a territorial lion on heat and Gwen..... well the less said the better. In truth Ianto didn't much care what she was doing, it was Rhys he was worried about and this was just going to go all kinds of wrong. At least Jack had had the good sense not to arm him, that had been the only sensible thing he'd done all day.

It took all of Ianto's self control not to have a moment in the back of Rhys' truck and every last ounce of self restraint not to kill Dale. He found himself rather detached from the plight of the Whale, even though he could not stand the cruelty it had endured, the bottom line was that there was no way they'd have been able to care for it. Owen had done the right thing. After the lengthy clean up and the hassel of disposing of a large fish they finally trudged back into the Hub with Gwen fussing over Rhys and Owen doing his best to placate her as well as treat him. Ianto was sore and tired and he retreated to his coffee machine, needing to come to terms with the fact that he had almost died out there. He was sorting the cups when two strong arms slid carefully around him and Ianto winced with a hiss.

Jack kissed his cheek from behind.

"I want you to have Owen check you over. Dale gave you quite a kicking."

Ianto nodded and continued to work with Jack still firmly attached. It had been a bad, highly emotionally charged day all round and he needed coffee preferably with some Torchwood style pain relief. Jack was being exceptionally clingy.

"Jack?"

Ianto felt him tense slightly and there was breath in his left ear.

"I nearly lost you today, I'm sorry I couldn't...... I couldn't."

Ianto stopped what he was doing and turned himself around so that they were facing, noses barely an inch apart.

"You did what you were supposed to do, lead us, catch the bad guys and save the day. I don't expect special treatment Jack, especially out there."

"I'm still sorry."

Ianto smiled and kissed his nose. "Thank you. Now I have coffee to make, I think we all could do with one."

"Yeah, we could." Jack pulled him close, carding his hands through Ianto's hair and Ianto slid his arms around Jack, grateful for the affectionate gesture.

"You're going to have to Retcon Rhys you know."

Jack sighed and pulled back. "Gwen's not gonna like it one bit."

"She knows the rules Jack. Rhys is a security risk."

"What you think he'll blab to his mates down the pub?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, I was more thinking along the lines that he would break under torture, what he doesn't remember can't hurt us."

Jack frowned. "You sound like Yvonne Hartman."

Ianto's head dipped down. "There's no need to insult me Jack."

Ianto felt warm hands gently roaming over his back and coming to settle on his hips.

"I know you're right. I just don't like it."

"Neither do I."

Jack kissed his head and dropped his hands down. "Can I have some of the Javan blend please."

Ianto looked up and the two of them smiled.

"I was thinking maybe something a little stronger."

"Sounds good."

The argument that followed took them all by surprise and Ianto was most disconcerted to find Jack watching Gwen and Rhys on the CCTV in his office. He tentatively stepped into the room and closed the door at his back, aware of the glances being thrown his way by Owen and Tosh.

"Jack?"

Jack swung round in his seat and glared at him. "Don't you even think about lecturing me."

Ianto backed off a pace, startled by the vitriolic tone. "I'm not going to Jack." He really didn't know about what to think of what he had just witnessed.

"I just came to check that you were ok, I'll go." He turned to leave but Jack called him back.

"Ianto?"

He turned facing Jack with a neutral expression.

"Yes Jack?"

Jack shook his head, angry at himself and Gwen and Ianto. He sighed unable to determine why he was mad with the Welshman.

"Nothing. Just make sure Owen check's you over before you go home."

Ianto nodded, taking that as a dismissal. He retreated. In truth he was furious at Jack's inability to stand up to Gwen. He was embarrassed by his declaration of love to the woman who basically loved him back and wouldn't need much of an excuse to dump her boyfriend anyway. So why was Gwen making such a fuss? Ianto sighed, shaking his head as he made his way to the autopsy bay. He found Owen and Tosh there discussing what had happened and overheard Tosh's.

"Poor Ianto, he must be devastated."

Ianto backed away and went down to the archive, not sure what else to do, not sure what to feel or think either.


	12. Chapter 12

**PART TWELVE**

Ianto wasn't certain how long he'd been hiding at his desk in the bowels of the Hub, but he was tired and he just wanted to go home. He flicked off the desk lamp and trudged up to the main operations area. Tosh was still working at her terminal, finishing up on the clean up no doubt and he could hear Owen whistling in the autopsy bay. Ianto braced himself and straightened his shoulders as he stepped up and smiled at Tosh.

"Would you like some coffee?"

There was pity in Tosh's answering smile and Ianto felt his gut tighten with annoyance.

"Yes, please Ianto."

He nodded stiffly and then turned away, he'd make one for Owen too and get him to look at his bruises.

Fifteen minutes later and Owen was swearing spectacularly as he inspected the damage inflicted by Dale's boots to Ianto's ribs.

"Well nothings broken, you'll be stiff for a few days though. Want something for the pain?"

Ianto nodded a feeling of déjà vu washing over him as he pulled his clothes back on. He felt like Torchwood's punch bag. Owen watched him for a moment before preparing a syringe.

"Take this home with you and then give yourself the shot and for fucks sake don't drive for at least eight hours after you've had it, you should get a decent sleep, oh and have your shower or bath first, don't want you drowning on me."

He passed Ianto a loaded capped syringe and Ianto put it in his jacket pocket.

"I told Jack not to send you out in the field."

"It's alright Owen."

The medic was tidying up. "No it isn't, aside from being potentially risky....."

"Owen, it's ok. I'm fine, really."

Owen faced him with a scowl. "He treats you like shit Ianto and you let him do it."

Ianto sighed, he really didn't want to have this conversation, especially with Owen.

"I'm going home, do you need anything before I leave?"

Owen screwed his face up in annoyance. "Nah, you fuck off and get some rest."

Ianto left and turned to go to Jack's office.

"He's not there, he went out." Tosh told him.

Ianto went and got his keys from his desk by the coffee machine. "I'll see you tomorrow Tosh."

"Night Ianto."

He drove home listening to Classic FM. Half an hour later having had a bath he was sat in the kitchen smoking his fourth cigarette of the evening. He ignored the doorbell and then winced when he heard a key turn in the lock. Jack stepped in a moment later.

"You didn't answer your door." He commented shucking off his coat and hanging it up on the hook on the back door that led out to the garden.

Ianto took deep drag of his Marlboro Light. "That's because I didn't want any visitors. You've no right to just come in when you please."

Jack sat opposite him. "That's a disgusting habit."

"Fuck off Jack."

Jack watched the smoke as it drifted away and Ianto stubbed out the fag end into a saucer.

"How are you feeling?" Jack finally asked.

Ianto lurched to his feet and went to his coffee maker. "Fine. Did you want something?"

Jack followed him with his gaze. "I came by to see how were you were."

"Well you've seen me now, you can go."

"Ianto...."

"Just go Jack, I'm tired, I ache and I am pissed off. Any conversation I have with you right now is going to end in an argument and I'd rather not. Please just leave me alone."

Jack sighed. "Ok. Take tomorrow off."

Ianto nodded but kept his back to Jack. Jack grabbed his coat and pulled it on, making a show of checking his pockets before hesitating at the door.

"It's not what you think, you know."

"Get out Jack."

Ianto heard the front door slam and finally let go the breath he'd been holding. He decided to watch some TV and remembering Owen's syringe he went and sat with it on the couch. He flicked through a couple of channels until he found a re-run of some old Star Trek. He stabbed his thigh with the needle and within minutes he was sound asleep.

Jack wasn't sure who he went home with. She was pretty and had an Australian accent and proved to be a lot of fun. He got back to an empty Hub at 2am and took a shower and got changed. He reluctantly had Tosh set up surveillance on Gwen and Rhys and he checked the log to discover nothing untoward. He sat at his desk over analysing what had happened earlier on. He was worried about losing Gwen, she was important to him as well as Torchwood. Part of him couldn't deny that he wanted her, but what they felt for one another was shallow in comparison to what he felt for Ianto. Somehow he kept getting it all wrong, said the wrong things, did the wrong things. He sighed going through Owen's updated report on the new Retcon formula, well, at least that appeared to be working. Fuck... What right did he have to take Rhys' memories anyway? Maybe it was time to change the rules, he'd saved others in his past from the drug because of his own attachments, so why not Rhys? Distracted once again he paced about for a while and then decided he needed to see Ianto, to try to explain, to apologise, to..... Jack didn't know what.

He found Ianto slumped in an awkward heap on his couch. The TV was on and there was one of Owen's spent syringes on the floor at Ianto's feet. Jack sighed thinking somewhat calmly how wrong this whole situation was. He carefully checked Ianto's pulse and breathing, which were fine. He was just deeply asleep. Jack sat on the couch and carefully arranged Ianto under the folds of his coat, resting his head on his lap. Jack sat there gently stroking Ianto's head and watching the TV with the volume almost muted. He looked down at the sleeping man and sighed.

"I'm sorry Ianto. I know you don't understand how I feel about Gwen. I'm not certain I do. I understand that you are mad with me, really I do. But I'm not in love with her, just the idea of her, something normal, ordinary and totally unreachable of course. I just want her to be safe, but I also want her to hold on to her life. You've said yourself, Torchwood takes everything. Maybe it's time to change that, maybe she'll be the one to redefine Torchwood, make it better." His hand strayed to Ianto's shoulder under the warmth of his coat and gently massaged. "I'm sorry if what I said to her hurt you. It was a bad day and I was angry and tired. I'm here for you Ianto, I always will be, for long as you'll let me."

Ianto didn't stir. Jack leant his head back against the couch and closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. He slept uneasily for a short while and was woken up by the sound of the television and the strangeness of his surroundings. Jack shivered feeling chilly and he glanced down to see that Ianto was looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Jack?"

Jack couldn't help but smile down at him.

"Hey, you should be in bed." He replied softly.

Ianto blinked at him and then smiled, just faintly and it was the most beautiful thing Jack had seen in a long time.

"Comfy here." Ianto murmured.

"You'll be sore in the morning and Owen will go mental if he finds out you've been sleeping on the couch."

Ianto yawned expansively and stretched up his hands and grasped Jack's head. He ran his fingers through Jack's hair.

"You came back. I yelled at you and you came back."

"Just couldn't leave you alone."

Ianto dropped his hands away and cautiously sat up, hissing in a pained breath as muscles protested. He tugged Jack's coat around him for the warmth. He was wide awake now.

"We're useless aren't we?"

Jack searched out one of his hands and grasped it tightly.

"I'm not mad with you Jack. My head is so messed up right now and I am trying to make sense of myself. What annoyed me was Tosh and Owen talking about us and then Tosh looking at me liked you'd drowned my favourite puppy. Owen said you treat me badly, but he's wrong."

Jack didn't know what to say to that.

"You've lost so much Jack and lets face it Gwen lights up the Hub like a Christmas tree, she's brilliant. I know you love her. I understand why you love her. I'm a little jealous I won't deny that, but right now I can't focus on you I have to take care of me. You're right about that...."

"I can help you."

Ianto grinned for a moment. "You do. You make me mad, you challenge me, you make me laugh. It takes away the deadness Jack and forces me to remember to be alive. When Lisa was gone all I could feel was her painful absence, it was like a well I was drowning in, a well I didn't want to climb out of. I don't know what we are..... short of being totally fucked up. I know you care. I care, maybe for now that's enough...."

Jack sighed not sure whether or not to feel disappointed. He pulled Ianto to his side and the younger man rested his head against his shoulder.

"This is just too hard, can we do us and Torchwood at the same time?"

Jack kissed him. "Yes we can." He whispered into Ianto's mussed up hair. "We definitely can."


	13. Chapter 13

**PART THIRTEEN**

Jack brushed the sand from his desk, straight into the waste paper bin. He frowned at the mysterious puzzle box and then abandoned it in favour of finding Ianto. They were the only two left in the Hub after their missing two days. The whole team had been more than a little spooked by the experience, but Jack was satisfied that no serious damage had been done and that the matter was best forgotten. Easier said than done, but he had the benefit of previous experience. He needed another cup of coffee so he was somewhat disappointed when Ianto wasn't obviously visible.

"Ianto?"

"In here Jack."

Jack found him in the autopsy bay standing there, one of Owen's bottles of tablets in his hand. He looked frozen in place as if contemplating something......Jack's gut clenched.

"Ianto?" He was at the young man's side in an instant. His hand went over the one grasping the small container of pills and Jack gently prized it from his grasp. He read the label.

RETCON V3.

"Ianto, what were you gonna do with this?"

Ianto took a step away and perched himself on the end of the metal autopsy table.

"It worked Jack, the Retcon worked. I don't remember the last two days."

Jack replaced the medicine and locked the cabinet, pocketing the key.

"None of us do, are you worried about that?"

Ianto shook his head and looked up and half smiled at Jack, his hands clasped in his lap.

"No, I'm sure that whatever happened we dealt with it. It's just all those times I've taken the stuff and it hasn't worked and now Owen's revised formula does..... I.... could erase it all Jack, Canary Wharf, Lisa, that year. I can make it all go away."

"Jeez Ianto, you'd lose so much of who you are, are you sure you want that?"

Jack shuddered at the thought and at the flash of hope in Ianto's eyes, in many ways it was no different than a form of suicide.

"It's four years of your life Ianto and there's no guarantee that a dose that large wouldn't do permanent damage to your brain. Look at what happened with Suzie; that poor man she drugged up will never get out of Providence Park. Do you want to end up like that?" He stood in front of Ianto and rested his hands flat on Ianto's thighs.

"I'd just be like I was before I joined Torchwood, wouldn't I?"

"No and you know that. Part of you is intrinsically wound into those events, it makes you who are now and if you take that away it'll be like cutting a piece of your soul out."

Their eyes met for the briefest of moments and Ianto hurriedly looked down to Jack's hands.

"It's an easy way out for me Jack. I could just start over, do something normal." He mumbled. Jack's forehead connected with his.

"Is that really what you want?" He couldn't hide his disappointed tone.

Ianto shrugged.

"Come on Ianto, Torchwood needs you, I need you. I see you getting a bit better each day and now you just wanna give up?"

"No Jack, I just.... it's so hard some times. I just want to forget."

Jack sighed realising just how hurt he felt. He stepped back and pressed the bunch of cabinet keys into Ianto's hand.

"It's your choice, but for what it's worth I do not want to lose you."

Ianto pushed the keys away and they fell to the floor with a clatter. "I can't Jack, I can't do it, because if I take those pills then I will lose you and the others, I won't have served the sentence for Annie's and Dr Tanizaki's deaths and I have to do that. You're the only people I...... the only friends I have, the only people who understand. It's just tempting, so.... I know in my head that its stupid." He chewed at his lip for a moment forcing himself not to cry. "You must think me selfish."

Jack smiled and bent down gathering up the keys and stuffing them into the pocket of his great coat.

"Not selfish Ianto, just human. When we hurt sometimes we just want the quickest exit out of the pain." He held out his hand and Ianto took it, allowing himself to be pulled into a fierce embrace. "You're one of the bravest men I've ever met and you have a good heart. Now why don't we go out and get some dinner and then if you don't mind, I'd really like you to take me home to your bed."

Ianto smiled into the warmth of Jack's neck. "I'd like that." The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.

**AN: Fluffy enough?**


	14. Chapter 14

**PART FOURTEEN**

"Sometimes I don't know what's holding me together."

Ianto said eventually.

Emma was sitting in her armchair, Sybil nestled on her lap.

Aristotle was kneading at Ianto's thighs and Ianto rubbed his ears absently. He'd put on jeans today.

"Owen has come up with a new Retcon, well revised. We had to test it out....." He couldn't explain why. "It worked on me. For the first time since all this began I had a way out that didn't involve a bullet, just the deletion of a few years....... I couldn't do it. I wanted to and I couldn't because some part of me seems to be clinging to this pain even though I hate it. What does that make me?"

"It doesn't make you anything Ianto, these are all perfectly normal, human feelings. Can I ask you something?"

Ianto nodded his gaze fixed firmly on the head of the black cat on his lap.

"This pain you speak of, is it something that you carry around to punish yourself with?"

His head shot up and he looked straight into her eyes, he sagged seeing only compassion there. He eventually shrugged.

"I spose, maybe. Jack should have shot me when Lisa..... well when that happened. Two people died that day and it was my fault....I...." Ianto rubbed at his temple, the head ache had been bothering him for days, ever since the missing 48 hours, initially a dull thump under his skull, now. He could feel a sheen of sweat on his skin and he shivered.

"Are you alright? You look a little pale."

It was weird, pitching forward in slow motion, the cat scattering from his lap. He was in the black and didn't feel himself hit the carpet.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack paced the length of the gallery level above the autopsy bay, hands shoved deeply into his pockets. Owen worked steadily, analysing the readings he had taken from Ianto's still unconscious form, which was now blanketed on the autopsy table. The pacing was annoying and Owen wondered why Jack was getting so fractious.

"Jack quit with the expectant father routine will you, I'm trying to work down here."

Jack froze his hands now gripping rail as he leaned over.

"Well?"

Owen looked up. "Just give me a few minutes. He's not in any danger, his heart and brain functions are all good, now piss off and let me get on." He lied to get him out of the way.

It was an hour before Owen ventured up from his domain, charts in hand he made his way up to Jack's office, aware of Tosh and Gwen getting up and following on his footsteps. They gathered in front of Jack's desk.

"Owen?" Jack was looking extremely worried and somehow Owen couldn't blame him.

"I ran some tests. Has he complained of headaches at all?"

Jack shook his head.

"He was rubbing his forehead pretty vigorously this morning, and I thought he looked he stressed but when I asked, he said he was ok." Gwen replied.

Owen shook his head. "Typical." He dumped the chart on the desk. "The brain scan indicates some swelling, which I cannot account for. He only has the prescribed drugs and the traces of Retcon in his system, which shouldn't have reacted with one another and even if they had it wouldn't do what I am seeing on these scans."

"So what's the cause?" Tosh took the empty seat by Jack's desk and took a closer look at Owen's notes.

"Ordinarily I'd say a blow to the head, but there is no evidence of that, there's nothing to suggest disease or infection, no bleeding, no clots, nothing that would cause swelling of this nature. I've never seen anything like it before, his brain isn't actually damaged, just enlarged and it must be painful. I've given him some drugs to help relieve it, but I'm frankly baffled as to the cause."

"Could something have happened during our missing time?"

"Quite possibly Jack, but I asked him when I checked us all over initially if he was ok and he said he was fine, unless you know something I don't."

Jack shook his head. "I stayed with him last night, there was nothing..... if anything was wrong, he hid it well."

Gwen's eyes met his with something that bordered on hurt and Jack frowned, not understanding.

"Gwen, anything you want to add?"

She shook her head. "Will he be alright?" She asked redirecting her gaze to Owen.

Owen shrugged. "His E.E.G was normal, well normal for Ianto and everything else is in the green. I suspect he'll wake up soon, he was sleeping rather than unconscious. When he wakes up I shall assess his pain levels and treat that accordingly."

Jack nodded. "Ok Owen."

"Jack I want to scan everyone else, just to be sure."

"Fine call us down one at a time when you're ready." Owen grabbed his chart and left the office and Tosh left a moment later. Gwen took the seat that Tosh had vacated and picked up a biro and fiddled with it for moment. Jack watched her for that same moment before speaking.

"What's on your mind?" He leant back in his chair, his mind on Ianto.

"You and Ianto? I mean Jack, I thought that was over. You said you loved me."

Jack was very glad he wasn't sipping on a cup of coffee. "What?"

"The week before last Jack."

"I do Gwen, but not like that and Ianto and I? That is none of your business." He said rather more sharply than he'd intended.

"He's my friend Jack. I know things aren't clear cut. I'm marrying Rhys. We have feelings for each other, you're with Ianto and it's never fair in love and war. But if you're not serious about him Jack...... I don't think he could take being hurt..... he's......"

"Thank you Gwen, your concern is duly noted." He stood up and strode out of the office, leaving Gwen to huff with annoyance in his wake. Jack was at Ianto's side a minute later and shortly afterwards the younger man's eyes blinked open and squeezed shut again. Jack gently carded his hand through his hair.

"Hey there."

Ianto grumbled and then Owen shooed Jack back a pace and Jack watched his medic at work.

"Right tea boy, open your eyes again, slowly this time."

Ianto complied, his pupils were black pinheads in an ocean of blue. Owen smiled down at him.

"Alright mate, that's good. Jack turn the lights down would you?"

The overheads dimmed and Ianto was clearly relieved. "Thank you. What happened?"

Jack grasped his hand and squeezed it. "You passed out on Emma's living room carpet and upset Aristotle."

"Oh... god. I'm sorry."

"Never mind that Tea Boy. Got some questions for you, just answer them ok?"

"Ok."

"Name?"

"Ianto Jones."

"Who am I?"

"A bastard medical officer who is too fond of sticking needles in me."

"Twat..... Where are you?"

"Torchwood 3, Cardiff."

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Owen held up two.

"Sorry Owen, I can't tell. Too fuzzy." Ianto replied tiredly.

Jack was fussing with Ianto's fingers in his grasp.

"It's alright mate not to worry. How's the pain?"

"My head hurts all over." He was mumbling now.

"Scale of one-ten."

"Twenty."

Owen turned away and went to his drugs cabinet. "I'm going to give him some B21a. I can't give him morphine in his current state as I am really keen to have him awake for a bit."

"I am in the room you know." Ianto responded weakly.

Jack squeezed his hand again. "Ssssshhhh, just let Owen do his job."

"You still haven't told me what's wrong."

Owen exchanged a look with Jack as he injected an orange liquid into the canula on back of Ianto's hand.

"Your brain has become enlarged and I do not know why, so you'll have to rest up, whilst I run some more tests and check that the rest of us are ok."

The drugs quickly took effect as Ianto was clearly more comfortable now. Ianto looked up into Jack's face seeking reassurance and Jack just smiled at him.

"You know how cranky he gets if you don't do as you are told."

Ianto smiled at the remark, already feeling a little better.

"Thank you Owen."

"Can you remember anything happening that may have caused this?" Jack asked gently.

Ianto's eyes shuttered down for a moment. "I... I'm not sure. Just some one's hands on my head, and I was..... it hurt Jack. Like someone was in my head. Jack was it the Master? Did he do this to me?"

Jack's eyebrows climbed into his hairline. "No, Ianto. He's dead, I promise you. I saw it myself. On the Valiant, did he look into your head?"

Ianto shuddered under his grasp and nodded his head. "It was like a knife cutting through my brain, Jack it hurt so much and he did the same thing, put his hands around my head and I couldn't stop him."

Owen listened with interest. "So, what are we talking about some kind of telepathic assault? During that missing time?"

Jack met the medic's enquiring look. "It's possible."

"Oh, shit Jack. Please tell me he's not back. What if I do something bad, what he's done something to me to hurt you again?" Ianto was rigid with panic and the heart monitor began protesting loudly.

"Ssssshhh Ianto, calm down. It's ok. Nothing is going to happen. Calm down." Jack soothed, stroking his cheek and keeping eye contact.

"Come on Ianto, you need to relax. Jack's right everything is fine. You know that." Owen got busy with another syringe.

A moment later and Ianto sagged under Jack's hands, his head lolled to the side but he was still awake. Jack looked to Owen.

"It's alright, just a relaxant."

The monitor quietened and Ianto calmed, but his fingers remained firmly wound in the fabric of Jack's shirt sleeve. Owen backed off and pulled Jack with him and Jack had to prize Ianto's hand away.

"I'll be back in a moment Ianto."

They stepped aside and Owen spoke in lowered tones. "If he was assaulted by a telepath, it doesn't explain the brain swelling exactly, but he had Retcon, probably not long after. Jesus Jack if that's what happened he's lucky he can still remember what language is. I am amazed he's not completely scrambled. I need more information about what happened to him."

"We don't have it Owen, the wipe of our systems was total."

Owen sighed looking briefly over his shoulder to where Ianto lay. "Do you really think this Master bloke is dead? This Harold Saxon who took over the Earth and we don't remember a thing about it?"

Jack was thoughtful. "He's definitely dead Owen."

"So some one of the same species or with the same capabilities?"

"Let's face it, we're never going to know." Jack responded half wondering if the Doctor had paid them a visit. He dismissed that notion immediately.

"Stay with Ianto. I'll check the rest of us over."

Jack nodded and left Owen to get on.

**AN: RSPCI: Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ianto......Uhmmmmm, I'd be locked up for life! Sorry I just like being mean to him and what Adam did to his head was bound to have consequences......**


	15. Chapter 15

**PART FIFTEEN**

Ianto slept, it was all he could do really, having been discharged from Owen's care the day before and told to take the rest of the week off. His head still ached a little but his paralysing fear of the unknown had dulled down to match the ache in his head. After all, he reasoned, there was nothing he could do, so he may as well rest while he had the chance. His bed was nice and warm and very comfortable and when he woke up on that final day of relaxation he found a parcel lying on the pillow where sometimes Jack would put his head. Ianto stared at it from his sideways view and studied the pink paper with yellow and green ribbons that held it together in an odd shapeless mass. It wasn't big, but it wasn't small either. Next to it was a folded piece of old and rather tatty looking paper and finally unable to resist the urge a moment longer he picked up the sheet and unfolded it. The paper made a soft crinkling noise and the first thing Ianto noted was the old original Torchwood logo and Jack's easily recognisable copperplate script. The paper even smelt old and Ianto half wondered if Jack had done that deliberately, either way Ianto liked it.

_"Ianto,_

_The gift is a reminder of how strong and noble you are, with a good and gentle heart underneath that neat exterior. Don't doubt, don't waver. There are things that are beyond our control sometimes, we just have to accept that and get on, as hard as that can be._

_Tomorrow, face the world with better eyes, there is so much beauty here. It's why I stayed because I see that in you._

_Jack x"_

Ianto gaped at the text in his hand for a long time before finally folding the sheet back up and carefully placing it in the folds of his beloved diary that sat next to the bed on the stand. He turned his attention to the haphazard parcel with no small amount of dread. Sitting himself up properly he pulled it and discovered it was soft, squashy and very light. Ianto frowned and gently pulled away the ribbon and the paper fell away revealing a....... Ianto burst out laughing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack sat at his desk and was about to start on his reports when the phone rang, he picked it up, half expecting it to be Ianto and got the shock of his life when the soft tones of Martha Jones greeted his ear.

"Martha! Hi, how are you?"

He was delighted to hear her voice again.

Gwen glanced up from her work on hearing Jack's voice and the obvious happiness. She smiled and got up really bored with what she was doing. She glanced at her watch and decided it was time for lunch.

"Anyone want anything for lunch?"

Tosh looked up and removed her glasses.

"Is it that time already?"

"Yep."

Owen appeared from near the coffee machine looking slightly dischuffed.

"Did you say lunch? Does it involve caffeine of the non instant variety?"

Tosh and Gwen both smirked. "It could do."

Owen appeared to think about it. "We could always go to the pub?"

"You know, that's not a bad idea. I'll see if Jack's up for it."

Gwen bounded up to his office, keen not only to get Jack to agree but also wanting to know who he was talking to. She stood at the open doorway and Jack grinned at her as she mouthed the word pub and mimed having a drink. Jack gave her a thumbs up and then mouthed back, 'give me five.' Gwen nodded and left.

"Jack'll be ready in a minute."

Tosh began setting the Rift alert to remote and shutting down the program she'd been working on for the last six days in an attempt to track down a couple of illusive NHS files.

It had been a long since the team had gathered together for an out of the Hub drink. Gwen immediately started talking wedding plans and Owen spent the next half an hour winding her up. The subject was soon exhausted as Gwen turned instinctively to ask Ianto something and he wasn't there. She turned to Owen.

"Did you call Ianto today? Is he alright?"

Owen rolled his eyes and glanced at Jack. "Ask him, he was there last night."

Jack grinned and stretched back in his seat, glass of water in hand. "He's fine Gwen, will be back in tomorrow."

Gwen seemed pleased with this. "He's going to help me choose flowers for the wedding."

"He is?" Jack was wondering what she was up to getting him involved.

Gwen sipped on her diet as she looked at him from under her lashes. "I thought he'd enjoy it. Ianto has a good eye, he's helped with the dresses already." There it was again, the tugging in his gut as he looked her, those large, challenging eyes. It would only take one word from him and Jack hurriedly looked away.

"Then the whole bridal party will look gorgeous." Tosh enthused deflecting the situation. Jack realised that Tosh knew exactly what she was doing as she drew Gwen's attention away from him, he reminded himself to thank her one day. Jack stuffed his hand into pocket and fingered his mobile phone.

"Tosh, does the predictor have anything lined up for us?"

"Nothing much until about mid night."

Jack glanced at his watch and then stood up. "Ok, you guys go home and get a break and come back in for 11pm. Three faces stared up at him in open mouthed surprise.

"Jack I'm still running the search for those NHS files."

"And I've got an autopsy to start." Owen added.

Jack smiled. "Gwen?"

She spread her hands. "Paperwork back log, I want it all finished so that Ianto can sign it off tomorrow.... I mean so that you can..... after Ianto's prodded you a dozen times before hand." She was smiling at him a little too much.

"Right, fine.... don't take the day and enjoy the sunshine." He responded with mock exasperation. He knew tomorrow was about to get all kinds of busy with Martha visiting.

His three team members gawked at him. "It's Cardiff Jack, it's never sunny in Cardiff." Owen took a long pull on his pint and smacked his lips. "Where are you headed anyway?"

Jack sort of shrugged.

"Say hello to Tea Boy then."

Jack grimaced. "I am sure IANTO would be pleased to know that you were thinking of him."

"Don't be gross Harkness."

Now Jack smiled, loving the look of distaste on his medic's face. "I'll be back in a couple of hours, seriously guys take a decent break this afternoon."

"You know something we don't?" Gwen finished her drink and got up herself ready to follow Jack out of the door, it took her a moment to realise that Tosh was tugging on her sleeve. She looked down at the Asian woman who was proffering her glass.

"Another?"

There was the briefest flash of annoyance in Gwen's eyes before she smiled and Jack once again quietly thanked Tosh for her powers of observation.

"Actually no thanks. Jack I'll walk with you back to the Hub?"

Their eyes met and she was pleading with him and Jack almost gave in. "I'm gonna head straight to Ianto's. My phone is on, call me if there's an emergency..... only if there's an emergency. I will be back this evening. Have fun kids."

He turned away in a swirl of coat tails and heard the word 'ponce' issuing from Owen's foul mouth as he departed.

Ten minutes later and he let himself into Ianto's house, not bothering with the doorbell. He shucked his coat and hung it up on the new rail in the hallway and meandered down to the kitchen fully expecting Ianto to be there with the day's papers, pot of coffee and a packet of fags. The room was empty. Jack wandered out and headed upstairs straight to the front bedroom. The top of Ianto's head was just visible, the rest of him buried under goose down quilting. He could hear a faint snoring and couldn't help but smile. Jack tugged off his clothes, relishing the cool air against his skin for a moment before climbing under the duvet and snuggling up against Ianto's back. The minute he was settled a warm hand reached round and grasped his wrist pulling his arm around a narrow waist with a deep murmur of sleepy content. Jack smiled against the skin of Ianto's neck and both of them drifted off to sleep Jack's hand held firmly over Ianto's heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gwen sank back onto the stool at the table and Owen shot her a knowing look.

"I don't know why you bother with him." He commented.

Gwen glared at him. "What do you mean by that?"

For whatever reason, that Owen couldn't at that point determine he was in a mood, mildly pissed with Gwen's flirting.

"Rhys, why do you bother with Rhys when it is clearly Jack's pants you want to get into."

Gwen glared daggers at him and then for good measure slapped his face. Owen lurched backwards.

"Oi, what was that for?"

"You're a tosser Owen, did you know that?"

Tosh looked on with well disguised surprise.

Owen just grinned, despite his smarting cheek. "Seriously Gwen, Jack's always banging on at you about holding on to your life...."

Another slap. "Don't say another word Harper. Rhys is the most important thing in the world to me." She meant it too.

"Yeah right."

Gwen rose to her feet and gathered up her handbag. "Fuck off Owen."

The moment she stepped out of the pub she found herself wiping away the tears that ran down her cheeks. What the hell was the matter with her? It was drizzling and Gwen stood under the awning and searched out her mobile phone, she speed dialled Rhys and got his voicemail.

xxxxxxxxx

Tosh watched as her colleague stomped away and then she turned to Owen.

"What was that for?"

Owen shrugged. "Felt like it, it really pisses me off her going on about Rhys, the wedding and that shit about not Retconning him. Last year she stole Retcon and dosed the fat sod up with some and she sits there going about them like they're this perfect couple. Jack's a twat if that is what he thinks they are."

Tosh wasn't surprised by Owen's reply. "It's Ianto I feel sorry for." It was out before she could stop herself and Owen said something then that did surprise her.

"Yeah, and I'll kick Jack's arse if he fuck's him over."

Tosh smiled weakly, her heart swelling in her chest. "My hero."

"Another drink Tosh?"

Tosh nodded.

**AN: VIRTUAL FLOWERS FOR THE PERSON WHO GUESSES WHAT IANTO'S GIFT WAS.....I AM TRYING TO REMAIN CANON IN THE WAY THE CHARACTERS INTERACT WITH ONE ANOTHER SO I HOPE THIS HAS WORKED.**


	16. Chapter 16

**PART SIXTEEN**

Somewhere in the hazy recesses of his brain Jack knew he had to wake himself up and move. He was just too damn comfortable, no not comfortable, content. It was a rare feeling. Ianto was sprawled inelegantly beside him, well half over him with one foot, Jack wasn't actually certain which one, poking out from under the quilt and hanging over the edge of the bed. That was something else that was rare, Ianto sleeping properly without the distress of a nightmare to wrench him from slumber. Jack gently teased Ianto's messy hair, drawing the man into the waking world with wide, blinking, oceanic eyes and the very edges of a grin.

"Jack, what time is it?" Ianto rolled away and stretched like a cat, long and luxuriant. Jack just admired the view and pulled back the covers to enjoy it further.

"It's evening, gonna have to go back to the Hub in a bit. Tosh's program flagged up an alert for about mid night."

Ianto flopped on to his back. "Rapture."

Jack grinned. "How are you feeling?"

Ianto took a moment to think on it. "I feel rested and my headache has finally gone. Maybe it was all I needed in the end, just to rest. I shall be glad to get back to work though."

"Good, I am glad to hear it. I still want Owen to check you over again, to be on the safe side. I have some news."

Ianto rolled onto his side to face him and Jack mirrored his position.

"Pray tell."

"I got a call from Martha Jones, seems UNIT are looking into the same thing we are, so she is coming over to do a joint investigation."

Ianto frowned, Martha? It took him a moment to catch on. "Tish Jones' sister? The one who walked the Earth telling Doctor stories?"

Jack's grin widened. "The very same."

Ianto sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. "Does she remember?"

Jack nodded, his hand searching out one of Ianto's. "She knows about you, Tish told her some stuff. I don't know what, she wouldn't talk to me about it, but I know Martha wants to talk to you. She has to report back to Tish because dear Tish is worried about you, wants to know what happened."

Ianto took it all in but said nothing and Jack sighed when he saw the familiar nervous gesture as Ianto chewed on his lower lip.

"Ianto, something you want to tell me?" He kept his tone light.

Ianto shrugged. "Tish and I, well we used to sleep together on the Valiant.... nothing happened, we just stayed.... well it helped I guess. I suppose she must have been told that I had died. God Jack, it was such a terrible time. I feel awful I've never given the Jones' family a single thought since getting back from that."

Jack gently touched his cheek and Ianto met his gaze, half expecting some degree of anger there, he found only compassion.

"I was wanting to suggest that Martha stay here with you whilst she's in Cardiff. It would be nicer than a hotel. Do you mind?"

Jack was relieved to see Ianto smile, just a little, the shadows from his darkened orbs lifting a little.

"That would be nice. I'd like that, she'd be most welcome."

Jack kissed his forehead, then his nose and then they snogged themselves breathless for a while. Ianto eventually broke the kiss.

"I love my dragon, by the way. Thank you Jack."

Jack just grinned at him. "It seemed like the right thing."

"It was. Now what time do we have to get up?"

"We've got a couple of hours."

"Good, no more talking."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eight o clock that evening saw Ianto and Jack stepping back into the Hub with bags of take away food which Ianto carried through to the boardroom. The rest of the team followed him like a herd as Jack went and fetched plates and mugs.

Ianto stepped back and smiled at everyone. "Coffee?"

There was a resounding yes.

They ate with their usual gusto, debating, laughing and poking fun at one another for over an hour before the business of Torchwood came back to claim their time. Jack pushed his plate away and sipped on his third mug of coffee.

"So team, where are we at?"

Owen talked around chewing on his last pork ball. "Wanna give Ianto a final brain scan, just to check and then tomorrow I've an autopsy to start on, assuming whatever happens tonight doesn't muck up the schedule."

The girls were grimacing at him as he spoke.

"Could you at least swallow your food first, before sharing it with the rest of us?" Gwen complained, still annoyed with him for his earlier comments in the pub. She hadn't managed to speak to Rhys yet either. She faced Jack with a smile.

"Paperwork's done and I've updated all the reports from the EMTs for the day and nothing flagged up as being suspicious other than these bodies we already have." She couldn't help herself, the fluttering of the eyelashes and slight blush as Jack offered up a smile back.

"Excellent. Tosh?"

The Japanese woman was wiping her fingers on napkin. "I have tried everything I can think of, but those files have been removed from the NHS system with extreme care. The updated Rift prediction is for 11:45 and looks like it could be bigger than I first thought. I'm estimating but it looks like Lavernock Point, right on the coast. There's a holiday park out there, with chalets and tents and things and they are pretty busy, so there could be a few people about."

"Thanks Tosh, that's a pain, looks like we'll all have to go out there then."

"Anything else?"

Tosh shook her head, then appeared to change her mind. "I'd like a word in private, if that's alright Jack."

Jack nodded. "Sure thing. Ianto anything?"

"No, I'd just like to get the reports signed off and I need to spend a couple of hours doing a weapons check, they're due to be done."

"Ok then Owen, check Ianto over. Tosh I will see you in my office and then Ianto and I will be in the armoury and Gwen you too."

Ianto was the first to get up and he began gathering up empty cartons and dirty plates. Gwen got up and started to help just as Owen left the room, calling over his shoulder.

"Five minutes Tea Boy."

Ianto shook his head and rolled his eyes and Gwen smiled at the comforting happy gesture. It was good to see Ianto looking better, it had taken long enough. Jack and Tosh left the office and Gwen watched them go before speaking to Ianto.

"How are you?"

"I'm alright thank you. And you?"

Gwen grinned. "I'm fine thanks pet. I was wondering, would you mind helping me choose flowers? Rhys' mam has something about lilies and I don't want lilies......"

Ianto gaped at her. "You do know lilies are traditionally for funerals, don't you?" Whoops should he have said that.

Gwen's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

Ianto nodded. "I'm pretty sure they are. Anyway some colour would be nice, nothing too bright, but just something warm."

"You see, you are so good at this. If you ever retire from Torchwood you should be a wedding planner."

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "You actually expect me to live that long?"

Gwen faltered and looked at him. Ianto seemed oblivious.

"Ianto, that's a terrible thing to say."

He stopped then, putting the plates down and sighing. "The longest serving member of this institute other than Jack is me, unless you include Archie in Scotland, which I don't. I know of only two agents who are on record as having retired. The remaining survivors of Torchwood One all took Retcon and three of them have since committed suicide." He paused and gave her a look that made her shudder. It was an indecipherable mix of grief, longing, anger and determination. "May I speak freely Gwen?"

She was immediately out of kilter. "Of course, we're friends Ianto. You say what you like."

Ianto smiled. "You're getting married soon. You have a chance to live that life that has been taken from the rest of us. I think Rhys is a good man and I know he'll support you through whatever it is this institute throws at you. Just..... just try not to die, because I know it would break his heart to lose you. He took a bullet for you a few weeks ago. Jack's right that you should hold on to him and that life out there, it reminds me that whilst I might be dead tomorrow at least it would count for something."

She stood there frozen, gaping at him. "Ianto I....."

He shook his head. "Now let's get this cleared up and then Owen can torture me for a few minutes and then we can go and play with the guns."

Gwen nodded dumbly in response.

**An: The tourist shop by the Norwegian Church on Cardiff Bay sells red and green cuddly dragons for £4.50 and they are very cute. This is what Jack bought for Ianto.**

**The dragon: Fierce, noble, a fire inside with a suit of armoured scales on the outside.... If you've seen the movie Dragonheart you will know what I mean. And of course Ianto is Welsh through and through.**

**So McParrot who was by far the closest guesser, gets the virtual bouquet....**

**Deeta.**


	17. Chapter 17

**PART SEVENTEEN**

Jack settled himself behind his desk and gave Tosh a bright smile as she sat down. She was looking mildly disconcerted and Jack was wondering what had left her so rattled.

"What's up Tosh, you look very worried." He asked gently.

She offered up a faint smile. "A while ago, Owen ran a standard blood test on Ianto, on all of us actually. There was something odd about Ianto's results but Owen couldn't determine what it was so he handed it me to look at. To be honest because Ianto has been ok.... well sort of and not doing anything out of the ordinary and we've been... Well. I ran the cross matches for anything suspect and got nothing. I mentioned it to Ianto and he gave me the rest of the codes for the archive on the database. It's a weird one Jack. He has tiny traces of some enzyme attached the platelets in his blood."

Jack frowned. "Do you know what it is?"

Tosh nodded. "I found the reference in the secure logs from Torchwood One's research and development division. It's one half of a bomb according to the records. They were experimenting in one of the facilities outside of the London site. It seems the substance is......"

Jack's face dropped. "It's ok Tosh, I know what it is..... I'd heard rumours. The question is, how the hell did it get into Ianto."

Tosh sighed. "Did Torchwood do it to him? I mean when he was working in London? Maybe he was accidently exposed."

Jack doubted that very much. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "Is there is anything on his service record to indicate that?"

Tosh shook her head. "I haven't asked him either, I thought you should do that."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, right. Let's do it then." He got to his feet and went to the door.

"Ianto, get up here!" He yelled.

Ianto abandoned loading the dishwasher and wandered up to Jack's office. He entered, rather perturbed by Tosh's presence there.

"You bellowed, sir?"

Jack smiled at him and gestured. "Have a seat."

Ianto perched on the corner of the desk, half facing Jack and Tosh. "What's up?"

Jack got straight to the point. "When you were at Canary Wharf, do you know if you were exposed to any dangerous contaminants? I mean anything that would have to lead to quarantine measures or medical follow up?"

Ianto folded his arms a little defensively and frowned, thinking back to the past. He slowly shook his head. "I don't recall anything of note, why, what's the problem?"

"Your routine blood test showed up something odd." Jack replied.

Ianto faced Tosh. "Is this the thing you were asking about the other day?"

Tosh nodded.

"You've identified the substance?"

"Yes. It's something Torchwood One were experimenting with."

Ianto looked from her back to Jack. "I'm not going to like it am I?"

"Tosh, tell him what you found out."

"It's a highly concentrated material, trace amounts are in your blood. It's used as a weapon and........"

Ianto sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Oh, shit, shit."

Jack was up on his feet straight away, he went to Ianto's side and gently grasped his shoulder.

"Ianto?"

Ianto looked up at him with fearful eyes. "Am I dangerous? I mean could I just blow up and kill you all?"

Tosh's hand went straight to his thigh, rubbing in comfort. "No Ianto. It's safe. So long as you don't ingest the catalyst and I am pretty sure we can put you through dialysis to clear your system."

He was shaking his head. "No, that won't work. It's already been done." He was still looking at Jack. "On the Valiant..... Archie did this Jack, when we were planning on blowing up the Valiant. He said that Saxon wouldn't detect it, but he did. They filtered my blood, but it obviously didn't clear my system."

Tosh was confused, but said nothing of her concerns because Jack clearly knew what Ianto was talking about. "Ok, but we know the catalyst is a very specific combination of chemicals and according to the logs only coming in tablet form."

Jack was gently squeezing Ianto's shoulder. "And these tablets are where?"

"In the bunker under Horsell Common. There's the labs there and the back up servers. It's been locked down ever since Canary Wharf went off line." Tosh explained.

"And it's secure?" Ianto asked.

Tosh and Jack nodded, they had sealed the facility themselves right after the disaster in London.

"So I'm safe?"

"Yes Ianto you're safe." Jack looked down at Tosh in the chair.

"Tosh, could you leave us for a moment?"

She got up. "Don't worry Ianto."

He waited until she closed the door before speaking.

"Jack you have to lock me away in the blast bunker, there's no way we can take the risk." Ianto lurched to his feet and began to pace the office.

Jack stepped back and let him move. "Ianto, it's fine. You're safe, you can't harm anyone."

"How can we be sure of that Jack? What if this stuff inside me becomes unstable, or I eat something similar enough to the catalyst that I go boom?"

Jack sat back on the edge of his desk and continued to watch as Ianto paced out his anxiety.

"It's not likely. We'll get Tosh to go over the numbers, but you've had the stuff in you for months and nothing has happened.... Ianto... stop."

The Welshman swung round and gaped at him. "Jack I don't want to hurt anyone."

"And you won't, believe me I will not let you, but I think it safe to assume that you aren't going to immediately spontaneously combust."

Ianto started moving restlessly again and Jack reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a halt. He steered Ianto round so that they were facing each other.

"Ianto, calm down. I promise I won't let you harm anyone. Now have a little faith in Tosh. If she thought you were a danger........ come on. We'll run you through dialysys and see if it reduces the concentration of the compound, but in the meantime, business as usual, ok?"

Jack could feel the tightened muscles in Ianto's arm slacken off and Ianto finally nodded.

"Ok. Yep, that makes sense."

"Good, now stop fretting. I'll talk to Owen he can run you through the machine tomorrow." Jack pulled him close and circled him in a loose embrace.

Ianto closed his eyes and sighed. "I just want one normal day Jack, is it too much to ask?"

Jack chuckled. "You're asking me?"

They stood there in silence for a moment.

"Right then, I best get on." Ianto eased himself back and Jack could see he was still not entirely sure.

"Yep."

Jack smiled at him trying to be reassuring. He gently grasped Ianto's fingers.

"I know you don't want anyone hurt Ianto, but I don't want YOU hurt either. You are no less important than the others out there, stop devaluing yourself."

Ianto met his look with a sigh and Jack felt his stomach fill with lead.

"I wasn't Jack, not consciously. I just..... so much bad has come from some of the things that I have done..."

"Ianto, stop that right now. Stop carrying this burden of guilt, it's paralysing you. You have so much potential and it's just starting to shine through. Have a little faith." Jack moved his hand to Ianto's cheek.

"In you?"

"In yourself." Jack leant forward and kissed his forehead. "Now stop fretting and let's get on."

"Right."

**AN: Ok, so that was a rather pointless chapter, and maybe this issue will come back and bite them... maybe not..... uhmmm mid night at Lavernock next and then OWEN's demise!!! Or maybe I should go totally AU and have him marry Tosh?.....**


	18. Chapter 18

**PART EIGHTEEN**

It was a cold clear night and the team gathered together by the edge of the cliff face overlooking the Bristol channel. A keen North Easterly wind whipped around them as they stood clustered around Tosh and her precious scanner. Ianto had tried maintaining a discrete distance, still worrying about the chemicals in his blood, but Jack had grabbed his sleeve and pulled him close so that he wasn't separated from the rest of the team. The heavens arched over their heads, stars sparkling brightly and Ianto found himself distractedly looking up at them rather than paying attention to what Tosh was saying. He realised somewhat vaguely that he should be focussed on the job, but it was such a lovely night. Jack's voice broke through.

"Come on, Gwen, Ianto we'll head down to the beach. Tosh, Owen stay up here." There was another tug on his coat and Ianto looked at Jack whose eyes shone in the night. There was a smile on his face.

"Ianto, you with us?"

Ianto nodded and pulled out his flashlight from his coat pocket. "There's a path that goes down to the beach, it's about a quarter of a mile that way." He gestured over his shoulder and noted the look of disinterest on Gwen's face; she obviously wanted to be home, in bed. Ianto didn't blame her really. Gwen started walking the beam of her torch aimed at her feet and Ianto registered just how impractical her boots were. He fell in step behind her and Jack brought up the rear after a brief exchange with Tosh. Ianto could hear Owen snarking about something under his breath as they walked away. Owen was fortunate, at least he'd get to wait in the warmth of the SUV. Not that Ianto minded that much, he felt a calming lull settle over him as they made their way along the rugged coastal path at a slow and cautious pace. The ocean was hissing and sighing below them against the rocks and Ianto was grateful for the fact that the tide was out. He glanced briefly at the PDA he pulled out of his coat pocket, there was still another 30 minutes to go before the expected spike. On his right they passed a collection of box like white chalets, most had their lights on and muted laughter could be heard now as they made their progress through the tufty grass. Ianto smiled at the sound.

"Shit!" Gwen hissed as she almost tripped and Ianto quickly reached out a hand to steady her.

She turned with a soft smile in the torchlight. "Thanks Ianto."

After that he held her hand and they walked side by side in companionable silence.

Jack watched them from behind, a twinge of pride and love swelling painfully around his heart as the two most precious things in his life linked hands, helping each other in the dim light. No words were required and Jack didn't want to ruin the moment with some of his usual crass innuendo.

The wind was less apparent under the shelter of the cliff and Jack stood beside Ianto as he studied the readings on his PDA. He could hear Tosh chattering over the coms, sharing her data as it came through to the computer on the SUV both from the Hub and Ianto's hand held device. Gwen was at Ianto's other side looking about, her gaze settling on the light house on Flat Holm Island. Jack glanced that way for a moment and had to suppress a sigh and without thinking his hand went to the small of Ianto's back seeking anchorage. Ianto simply offered up the faintest up curve of his lips in response before returning his attention to the scanner.

"Here it comes." He pointed upwards into the sky.

A blossom of brilliant colour silently erupted, splitting the night with green and lilac light. A surge of warm wind brushed at their faces and causing Jack's coat tails to flap. Gwen and Ianto instinctively ducked a little, but Jack was just looking, transfixed as the coloured light poured out of the night sky. Ianto quickly gathered himself checking the readings and repeatedly glancing upwards. He was vaguely aware of Gwen's gasp and Tosh's laughter over the coms and mixed comments, but it was all a blur as he finally just stopped what he was doing and watched. Somewhere in that moment Gwen's hand had snagged his coat sleeve gripping tight and Jack, on his other side had slid an arm over his shoulders, their faces tilted upwards to the heavens in wonder.

On the way back to the Hub they chattered excitedly about the light show, nothing more than a few charged particles of harmless material coming through. Jack was just happy that for once the Rift had spewed out something nice. They dropped Gwen home and then Tosh and Owen and Jack drove himself and Ianto back to the Hub. The first thing Ianto did was make fresh coffee and then he and Jack sat and filled out the report for the events of that night. It was 4am before they got to bed in Jacks bunker.

Ianto got up at 7am with a loud yawn and grumbles of protest from Jack.

"It's too early Ianto."

"And Martha is due here in a couple of hours, the Hub is a mess and I do not want her thinking we're all a bunch of slobs, even when some of us are." He went to the locker room and got a shower. A dark pin stripped suit with red shirt later and Ianto was ready to face the day. To his utter astonishment the rest of the team were all in by 8:30.

Ianto fell in love with Martha the moment he met her. She reminded him of his and Lisa's friend Adeola from London and he was relieved to discover that his gut didn't tighten with remorse at the memory. He watched as Jack bustled her away into his office for a private chat and then went and did what he did best, coffee. Gwen was at his side in an instant.

"Did you know about this? Is she one of Jack's ex lovers?" She demanded somewhat undiplomatically in Ianto's view.

Ianto just smiled at her. "Jack told me yesterday, and if she is one of his ex's does it bother you?"

Gwen shrugged. "Does it bother you?"

Ianto merely smiled, which clearly annoyed her. "No it doesn't. Jack is free to love whomever he chooses."

Gwen was taken aback by the reply and Ianto passed her a mug of coffee before picking up his tray and heading up to the office. He gave Tosh a brew on the way and bypassed Owen because he was busy with something. He tapped on the glass of Jack's door before entering.

Martha noted how Jack's face lit up when the young, quiet Welshman entered the room with a tray in his hand, and what was that wonderful smell? A mug was placed in her grasp and Martha inhaled deeply as rich chocolate scents wafted up. Jack was grinning at her now.

"Ianto sit down."

Slightly perplexed it seemed, the younger man perched himself on the edge of the desk and Jack leaned back with his coffee and smiled at him with obvious affection a hand straying to rub at his lower back.

"Martha and I were talking about that year."

The smile dropped away from the Welshman's face straight away and Martha understood that, it was still hard, even for her to come to terms with and her own family were only just coping.

"Jack said you're Tish's sister. How is she?"

Martha took a sip of her drink, her eyes closed for a moment, the flavour divine. She smiled up at him.

"She's doing alright. It took a while, but she's getting there. She talked about you, wondered what had happened."

Ianto dipped his head and Martha smiled encouragingly, apparently he hadn't told Jack all of the details either and getting him to talk had proven difficult at best.

Ianto merely shrugged. "I prefer to not think about it. I'm pleased she's alright though, she was very kind to me."

"She says the same of you."

Ianto stood up and smiled again, but it was forced, like a mask. "Owen's ready for me to do the dialysis thing, so unless you need anything for the next couple of hours?" He said turning to Jack. Jack stood up and walked with him to the door. Martha couldn't help but notice the tender touches to his hand.

"No, I'll be down there in a minute."

She watched as Ianto left and Jack hefted out a wistful sigh before resuming his seat. Martha arched an eyebrow.

"He's gorgeous Jack. That's him isn't it? The one you were talking about on the TARDIS?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, that's him, but it hasn't been easy."

"The best things never are Jack, so you think you'll stay with him?"

He threw his head back and laughed at the irony of the question. "He'll leave me one day, either he'll get fed up because he's old and I'm not, or he'll die. I haven't felt so much for anyone in a long time and I know I am going to lose him and......."

"It's holding you back?"

Jack nodded. "He challenges me, makes me think and he's compassionate..... he cares so much and when he's angry, he's one hell of a force to be reckoned with.... God Martha there are days when I hate what I am so much because......"

Martha reached across the desk and grasped his hand. "And it's probably why he loves you so much. I suspect Ianto understands better than you think. Don't throw it away Jack, even if it only lasts for as long as he is alive. It's precious."

She could feel his fingers tightening around hers.

"Yes it is........ He is."


	19. Chapter 19

**PART NINETEEN**

Jack somehow managed to wait until Ianto's front door was closed before sinking down onto the floor almost taking the Welshman with him. Ianto bundled him into an embrace as Martha stepped over the both of them. It had been an overwhelming 48 hours and through it all Jack had held his resolve and done what he had to do, regardless. Now in the privacy of Ianto's... no his home he could break down. He didn't cry, just folded himself tightly into Ianto's fierce embrace as the tears streaked over his cheeks in silence.

Owen was dead.

Ianto looked up at Martha through his own tears and tried his best to smile.

"Could you give us a moment please?" He whispered, wondering vaguely if she had more right to hold Jack than he did. Martha smiled back.

"Why don't I get the kettle on."

Ianto was eternally grateful and loved her even more as she stepped away. He settled himself against the wall, still holding Jack, his head cradled over Ianto's heart.

"Ssshh, Cariad. It's alright."

It wasn't of course. Owen was a walking corpse. Twelve people had died because Jack couldn't stand to lose another friend and Ianto's heart was breaking to see his lover in so much pain. He was angry too, because Jack had done the wrong thing, because Owen was now stuck in this half existent limbo and because one day Jack would have to let him go and Ianto wasn't certain that he'd be able to. Jack's loneliness over whelmed him in waves that rippled through his soul like black oil. It was clogging his head and Ianto shuddered trying to shield himself a little. Jack shook in his arms, his eyes blinking away fat tears. Ianto carded his fingers through messy hair, petting him like a frightened child.

"It's alright Jack. It's alright."

It was in that moment Ianto finally understood the curse of immortality, eons of emptiness and loss reflected in brief moments of happiness that shone like blazing stars that would be snuffed out all too soon. It could only lead to madness in the end. He closed his eyes against it and held on tighter because he didn't know what else to do.

Martha stood in the kitchen doorway and surveyed the two men on the hallway floor. She desperately wanted to be at Jack's side but she knew that this was not the time. Ianto clearly had it all under control and she wondered how often this scene had played out in this house, after nightmares and loss. It was obvious to her that Ianto was what Jack needed in that moment and she was glad that her immortal friend had some one that cared enough to hold him at times like this. She sighed, knowing that Jack would go through it all again when that someone died. The kettle was boiling on the gas stove and Martha went into the neat kitchen to search out tea making things. She chewed on her bottom lip as she worked wanting to call the Doctor, she dialled Tom's number instead and got his voice mail.

Jack wasn't certain how much time had passed before a mug of tea was pressed into his grasp by Martha. Ianto's arms were still firmly around him and Jack was vaguely aware that the Welshman was whispering something over and over in Welsh. He recognised the endearment 'cariad' and smiled as he sipped at the sweet hot drink, finally gathering himself a little.

"Thank you Martha." It was more of a croak. A second sip. He eased himself up and away from Ianto's loosening embrace until he was leaning against the wall next to Ianto. He searched out and quickly found Ianto's hand and grasped it. Ianto squeezed back and they both smiled at Martha, the three of them sitting on the floor in the hallway sipping sweet tea.

"He'll be alright Jack, we'll look after him." Ianto said finally.

Jack looked at him and hitched an awkward smile.

"You look after all of us." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I ....... I know I shouldn't have done what I did.... but I couldn't lose him, I can't lose any of you."

Ianto put down his mug, aware that Martha was there rubbing Jack's shin in reassurance he leant forwards and brushed the briefest of kisses to Jack's lips.

"I just wish I could fix you, or be there forever. I don't care which. Don't apologise Jack, not for the feelings, don't ever apologise for that. As for the rest we'll work through it. Tosh is with Owen right now and the rest of us will be there for him too."

"Do you think he's ever gonna forgive me?"

Ianto touched his face. "I think he will, if he hasn't already."

Jack nodded and looked at Martha earnestly. "Would you be able to stay on for a bit?"

"Of course Jack. I want to make sure he's ok before I leave anyway, and Ianto's right."

Jack leant forwards his forehead resting it against Ianto's. "He normally is. Did you know Ianto knows everything?"

Ianto chuckled. "Come on. I think we could all do with a decent meal and some sleep." He tugged on Jack's hand, encouraging him to stand up and the three of them got to their feet. Once upright Jack pulled Ianto against him and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you Ianto."

Things weren't better, by any means but he didn't feel like he was falling apart any more, especially when Ianto smiled at him.

"You're welcome."


	20. Chapter 20

**PART TWENTY**

Ianto was missing Martha far more than he expected to. The days slid by and with Owen on reduced operational status Ianto found himself out in the field almost every day. He didn't mind, but it meant other jobs around the Hub got neglected, there was no way Owen was going anywhere near the archive, and Ianto was worried. He worried about Jack who'd been a little subdued since Owen's 'change', he worried about Owen who suddenly had an extra 8 hours a day to fill because he no longer slept and he worried about Gwen and hoped to God that she wouldn't abandon Rhys at the aisle. Gwen was tetchy and constantly going on about flowers and cakes and her mother-in-law, but there seemed to be a new energy about her that Jack was clearly drawn to. They spent a lot of time talking and laughing cloistered away in his office and Ianto felt like he'd been shoved aside, but in truth there was no time to deal with his feelings because he spent a lot of time with Owen, helping him get through those extra hours.

It was weird because on the surface his dealings with Owen were the same. They swore at each other, insulted one another and did things to annoy, little things like hiding mugs or files. Ianto had even gone so far as to hide a light bulb in a weevil corpse. The ensuing laughter from Owen and Tosh had been worth the grossness of the act. Ianto watched as Owen rose out of his personal darkness and got on, in the best way he could. He noticed that Gwen had put some distance between herself and the medic, but Tosh was never far away.

Ianto realised that he had come to love his two colleagues in some strange and undefinable way. Owen was the brother he had never had and Tosh maybe an older sister, though not like Rhiannon who had consigned herself to a life of kids and benefits from her mid teens. He sighed because he had missed Mica's birthday, forgetting to post the card with a small wad of cash inside. He hadn't seen them, when he had promised Jack he would, he had promised a lot......

"Ianto mate, you alright?"

Owen's acerbic tones filtered through and Ianto hauled in his butler persona and smiled at the dead man.

"Yes, sorry. Just going over the budget figures in my head." He gestured to the open folder on his desk. "Is there something you need?"

Owen perched his arse down on the edge of the desk.

"Yep, the dialysis thing.... sorry mate, I forgot to deal with it and that's no excuse. But I analysed what was filtered from your blood and the machine pulled out just under a ml of Thorun, so it's definitely working as a method to get it out of your system, but I need another blood test to check your levels."

Ianto gaped at him in surprise, after the events of the last couple of weeks he had completely forgotten.

"Oh right, of course. Did you want to do it now?"

Owen nodded. "Yeah, but this'll be the first blood test I've tried to do since.... well you know."

Ianto understood, Owen's lack of sense of touch was worrying him. "It's fine, I'll just squeal if you hurt me."

Owen shook his head. "Like the girl you are."

"Get stuffed Owen."

Ianto followed him down to the autopsy bay and shed his jacket. He rolled up his right sleeve whilst sitting down on the stool next to the exam table. Owen had already prepared his kit and was holding up his strip of elastic.

"Ready?"

Ianto nodded. "You should enjoy this, any chance to torture me."

Owen secured the strip over Ianto's bicep. "Yeah, so are you going to the wedding?"

"Not if I can help it. To be honest all it does is remind me of everything I'm not going to have, which may sound selfish, but there it is. I can't help it sometimes."

"I get that, especially when you guys are eating in the boardroom, or just everything really. We're sad fuckers really. I'm tempted to go just so I can run up the aisle and tell Rhys she's having my baby."

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "You wouldn't?"

Owen shrugged. "I could do with a good laugh, anyway doesn't it bother you the way she's been hanging onto Jack lately?"

The sample was taken with Owen's normal efficiency. Ianto pulled his sleeve back into order.

"Her happiness is what Jack's most concerned about. I think he loves what she supposedly represents rather than loves her, but it has always been.... well I guess either I'm second choice or.... I don't know Owen. I gave up trying to understand a long time ago. My life is here with Torchwood. It is all have left and Jack is integral to that no matter what he does."

Owen snapped off his latex gloves. "Jeez Ianto. You could walk away. You're still young, have a new life.... do some stuff that normal 24 year old men do."

"I've gave that up the day I was recruited to Torchwood One. I knew what I was getting into Owen and to be honest I wouldn't know how to live that other life, I've never fitted into it. At least here I can be myself."

"Jack still treats you like shit."

Ianto sighed. "No he doesn't Owen. Things for Jack are finite, we all end for him. How do you make proper attachments when everyone that you meet in your life will die or end up hating your longevity? I can only guess at how hard that is and I've seen enough loss myself to know how bad I feel about it."

Ianto watched as Owen shook his head. "He doesn't deserve you mate."

"He didn't deserve to be condemned to the way he is. If my being there helps him in some way, even if it's just for a moment..... There's no choice for me Owen. I've come to terms with that and whilst I get annoyed with Gwen because she should know better I cannot bring myself to blame Jack. Maybe that's wrong, I don't know anymore, but I won't let my own jealousy stop me from being there for him."

"Your choice Ianto..... right then. I'll get the results to you in a couple of hours."

Ianto nodded, taking that as a dismissal he walked up the steps suddenly in need of a very strong cup of coffee. He was unaware of Jack watching him from the office window.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On finding Gwen and Tosh at their desks Ianto offered up coffees. He paused to look over Tosh's shoulder curious to see what she was working on and he quickly discovered that the scrolling computations on her screen meant nothing to him. Tosh paused and smiled at him.

"It's going to be a time lock, if I can get it to work."

Ianto smiled back. "I'm sure you will, you're a genius Tosh." He replied still no nearer to understanding what she was up to. With tray in hand he made his way up to Jack's office and knocked on the door before stepping in. Jack was obviously waiting for him, having abandoned all pretence of doing anything useful with the paperwork on his desk. Jack was scowling.

"Ianto, how many times do I have to tell you that you do not need to knock?"

Ianto placed the mug of coffee on the desk, careful to avoid the documents.

"Force of habit, sir." He replied with a smirk.

Jack scowled again and pointed at the empty chair. "Sit."

Ianto almost responded with a 'woof' but the look on Jack's face indicated that there was nothing to joke about. Ianto sank into the chair with a sense of foreboding as Jack leaned back in his own seat, coffee mug in hands.

"CCTV is a wonderful thing you know."

Ianto could only frown.

"I was listening in, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't..... but what you said to Owen kinda worried me."

Ianto lurched to his feet. "You have no right to spy on us Jack, that's just down right creepy!" He snapped. He paced the office angrily, hands shoved deep into his pockets. "Am I going to going to have to sensor every conversation I ever have in this place?"

"No. Ianto.... Ianto sit down!"

Ianto merely glared and continued pacing. "Jack I am entitled to some privacy."

"Yes, I know, I respect that."

"Clearly you don't. I could have been talking to Owen in confidence, or vice versa, you do not have the right."

Jack got up, taken aback by Ianto's reaction, he held out his hands in placation.

"I'm sorry, ok. It won't happen again. I just.... I was worried, you've been quiet again."

Ianto froze and turned and gaped at him. "So what you think I'm planning on another alien incursion, maybe I have a half built Borg in the basement? Can't you just trust me to be myself?"

"Ianto, that's enough!" Jack yelled and Ianto just stood there his body shaking with anger.

"I am trying to...... you know what? Forget it." Jack went back and sat behind his desk. Ianto was at a loss but finally his shoulders sagged and he sank back into the chair and buried his face in his hands.

"Can we start this conversation again, please?" Ianto looked up with wide, watery eyes and boy was he fed up with his own lack of resolve.

Jack nodded. "I was worried. I am worried, you've taken all my crap over the last few weeks. You've been there for Owen. I saw you go down into the autopsy bay and I thought something was wrong."

"So why didn't you just come down there?"

"Because if I had you wouldn't have talked, you'd have said how fine you are and gone on like nothing was wrong. I know you Ianto, better than you think I do. I hate the fact that you won't talk to me about the things that matter to you."

Ianto stared down at his hands, clasped in his lap. "You've enough to deal with Jack."

"And I thought we were in this thing together."

Ianto shrugged.

"Talk to me Ianto and look up your eyes are a much better view than the top of your head."

Ianto met his gaze with reluctance. "Sometimes Jack, I'm not sure."

"I know that, sometimes I'm not either."

Ianto felt sick and it must have shown.

"You could have so much more Ianto. Owen's right about that much, there's nothing to stop you from having a......"

"Don't say it Jack. This is my choice. Believe it or not this is enough for me, more than enough. I love my job and I accept what that entails, I love you and I accept what that entails as well. I know I'm not enough for you, I don't expect to be, how can I be? You're so vast, you're life is like some giant Chronicle and that's beautiful and terrifying in the same breath and I'm just some guy who makes coffee and does the bloody filing."

Jack felt his heart sink with sadness but he smiled to hide it. "You kick arse with a stun gun too."

Ianto shook his head and looked away.

"I did not settle for second best Ianto. I chose you, long before I even realised what that meant. I am lucky to have you, I just can't give you the life you could have had with Lisa."

"I know that Jack, do you think I would still be here if that was what I truly wanted?"

Jack had his doubts. Silence descended for a while and Ianto finally broke it.

"I'm not going to her wedding though, I couldn't handle it, too many drunk people."

"Drunk people?"

Ianto hitched a smile and Jack was pleased to see some sparkle back in Ianto's eyes.

"Welsh wedding Jack, there will be drunk people. Are you going?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't think Rhys would appreciate my company."

"No, I spose not."

More silence.

"We're shit at this, aren't we?" Jack said finally.

Ianto chuckled. "We've said that before you know, on a number of occasions."

"I guess that's part of our charm."

"We're just better when we're not talking Jack."

"I want to change that Ianto. How do we change that?"

"I don't know Jack."


	21. Chapter 21

**PART TWENTY ONE**

After some debate, involving claws and a few well placed hisses, Aristotle won the place on Ianto's lap. Rather disgusted by the outcome Sybil retreated to Emma's lap and settled herself down for a wash, her eyes never leaving her opponent for a moment. Ianto had sat rigid as a board throughout the feline discussion glad of his heavy jeans. Emma was chuckling and sipping on her tea.

"You should be honoured, my cats are very particular. They can't stand Jack."

Ianto didn't feel very honoured, but settled for rubbing Aristotle's soft ears once he'd finally finished circling his lap and kneading his thighs.

"Thank you for bringing the shopping Ianto, though it was very naughty of Jack to palm the job onto you like that."

Ianto smiled at her. "It's alright, I don't mind." Looking down at the cat.

"He told me about your colleague Owen, how is he doing?"

Ianto had no real idea, Owen was worse at talking about his feelings than he was.

"He died and when he came back he .... well he can't eat or drink..... Well there's lots he can't do any more. I know how that would make me feel. I don't understand how it works though, because he can move and speak and he can see us and hear us. It's as if he's been left in a half finished state. I wouldn't wish what he's going through on my worst enemy."

Emma watched the clouded expression on his face.

"But Jack did this to him didn't he?"

Ianto nodded. "He never meant for it to be like it is. Jack thought Owen would only come back for a couple of minutes. That fucking glove, I should have taken it from him and destroyed it."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because it was Jack, and he needed to do it." Ianto chewed at his lower lip. "And I'm too stupidly in love with him to stop him. One day I am going to die following him."

Emma shuddered at the desolate look on his face.

"You have a choice."

Ianto sank back into the chair and Aristotle rearranged himself and began to purr. Ianto petted him absently.

"Do you believe in God, Emma?"

"Yes, without a doubt."

Ianto frowned at her certainty. "How can you, when you've seen so much? Torchwood I mean."

"I have seen some terrible things in my time, not least of which was what the Nazi's did. Human's can be appalling creatures. But I have seen some beautiful things, miracles..... I learnt that the universe is a much bigger place than I ever imagined and instead of feeling small and insignificant it made feel like I was part of something much greater and I suppose that is what has strengthened my faith. I take it you do not believe?" She mirrored his action in fussing the cat on her lap.

Ianto gazed about him for a moment before speaking. "Jack's a miracle, but he sees himself as a curse. I'd like to think that he is what he is for a reason, and not just by some terrible accident. I believe in him, but God abandoned me a long time ago, or else I turned my back. I'm not sure which, maybe a bit of both. I think of what happened to Owen, that thing came through from the other side via Owen. It was Death, I mean properly Death as in a personification, a reality. He said there was just blackness and emptiness in that place where that thing came from. What if when we die, that's where we go?"

"None of us will know until we get there and death is inevitable, if that is where we go there is nothing we can do about it, so why worry about it?"

Ianto sighed. "I'm not worried for myself. But my Mam has been there for 21 years and Lisa almost 2. I hate to think of them in a place like that."

"What's really bothering you Ianto?"

He closed his eyes, forcing the tears that suddenly came to stop. The water leaked over his cheeks anyway.

"I'm angry with Jack, because of the state that Owen's been left in. I'm scared that when it's my turn to die that he will try to save me."

"Are you afraid to die?"

Ianto shook his head. "Not for myself, if I was I wouldn't be in this job. I'm saving my wages so that if anything happens my sister will be looked after and she has Johnnie and the kids. I just don't want to die being hit by a bus or getting cancer or something. I want to die doing something...... something that means it's not a waste. I don't want Jack to see me rotting away with old age and senility....... Fuck that's selfish."

"No it isn't pet, but be assured Jack would rather see you through old age, bed pans and all than have you die young, no matter what you were doing."

"I know. I just can't give him what he needs. I'd do anything, I would sell my soul if it meant I could be there for him....."

Aristotle got up and climbed up his chest and head butted his chin, whiskers twitching and the purring increasing in volume. Ianto cuddled the roaring cat and nuzzled his side to hide his display of emotion.

"So, be there, while you can." Emma instructed softly. "And stop wasting yourself on all this pointless angst. There are things you cannot change and there are other things you can, if you have the will Ianto. You must put your hurt aside, otherwise it will break you."

Ianto sniffled for a moment and Aristotle took that as his cue to sit back down.

"I know you're right. Jack told me that I needed to have faith in myself."

"And he's right. You're a smart young man Ianto, you have to learn to let go of the doubt and the questions and just trust in yourself to do the right thing. Faith manages Ianto, in whatever form it takes."

He finally nodded and lifted his head and even managed a faint smile.

"I'll try."

"It's all any of us can do."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a lovely sunny evening and as Ianto stood beside his car he absently gazed about as he brushed the car hair from his jumper and jeans, determined not to have it on the car seats. He caught sight of a red Corsa parked further up the road and frowned, the man inside hastily raising a newspaper. Ianto got into his car, he grabbed his mobile from the locked glove box and dialled Jack's number. Jack answered straight away.

"Hey, you done at Emma's?"

Ianto nodded. "I just called to see if I need to get food for anyone." He feel Jack's smile down the phone line.

"Yeah, the usual Chinese order. I think it's gonna be an all nighter."

Ianto sagged a bit, they all needed a break. "Ok, be there in about 30 minutes."

"Alright see you then."

"Yep." Ianto hung up and keyed his ignition and whilst he belted up he looked into the rear view mirror. The red corsa was still there, the driver apparently watching him, Ianto shook his head and half smiled to himself, cursing his own over active imagination.

By the time he got back to the Hub he was positively on edge.

He strode into the Hub and dumped the bag of take-away food on the table in the boardroom before by-passing his team mates and heading straight up to Jack's office. He closed the door at his back and Jack looked up from the screen he was looking at and the smile dropped from his face in an instant.

"Ianto, are you ok?"

Ianto shook his head. "Bring up the CCTV of the car park."

Jack unquestioning, did as Ianto asked and looked at the screen.

"What am I looking for?"

"A red Vauxhall Corsa. I've been followed from Emma's place back to here, via the Chinese and the dry cleaners. Is the car there?"

Jack looked at the screen. "Ianto it's a pretty common make....."

"Yep I know. Jack I swear I'm not being paranoid.... well maybe I am, but I am certain I was tailed."

The car in question wasn't visible.

Jack flicked off the monitor and stared down at the slip of paper Ianto slid across his desk.

"That's the reg number, can I get Tosh to check it out?"

Jack nodded. "Ianto, if you're sure you know you don't need to ask. Let's eat and then we'll look into it. You like you could use a stiff drink."

Ianto would have preferred a cigarette but he'd promised Jack that he would give them up.

"I'll get some coffee."

"Want some single malt highland fortification with that?"

Ianto smiled and felt himself slump a little, at least Jack wasn't laughing at him.

"Yeah, good idea."

To everyone's surprise Owen joined them in the boardroom as they ate their evening meal and Ianto explained to Tosh about the red car and was immediately interrupted by Gwen.

"Was it a blonde bloke driving?"

Jack and Ianto both looked at her.

"Yes, maybe in his early 40s, I can't be sure."

"I've seen him too. I thought he must work around here in the Bay. I've seen him in the car park a couple of times, just sort of hanging about."

"Ok, Tosh straight after dinner, check the reg number and see if we can track it's movements through the traffic CCTV."

"What you think someone is spying on us?" Owen asked chewing on a pen.

Jack shovelled noodles into his mouth and then tried to speak and Ianto tapped his hand with his fork.

"Swallow first, then speak."

Jack just grinned and made a mess of his chin. Ianto, Gwen and Tosh all grimaced and Ianto handed him a paper napkin. It was those messy moments he loved so much.

"Yes, Owen..... well it isn't beyond the realms of possibility. Lets be sure."

Owen nodded and watched his colleagues enjoying their food and Ianto felt distinctly guilty.

"So Tea Boy are you up for another dialysis session this evening?"

Ianto nodded. "What time?"

"May as well do it after this, unless Jack needs you to do anything?"

Jack shook his head. "Nah. Gwen and I can check out the Rift spike later on and Tosh you can check out that car."

Tosh smiled shyly. "No problem Jack. The predictor indicates a low level spike, so hopefully nothing will come through, can you do the comparative readings anyway?"

"Yeah sure."

"Thank you."

They finished their meal and Ianto and Gwen cleared the plates and loaded the dishwasher.

"It's a bit creepy, you don't think some one really is following us do you?"

Ianto shrugged. "Who knows, we have a lots of valuable secrets here that a lot of other organisations wouldn't mind getting hold of...."

"What like terrorists or something?"

"I was more thinking along the lines of UNIT or MI5."

Gwen's eyes widened. "But UNITs on our side, I mean Martha is with UNIT."

"There's no such thing as sides Gwen. One thing I learnt at Torchwood One is that each agency is out for what it can get, they have their own agendas and not always in the best interest of the planet. We just need to be vigilant. Jack doesn't trust UNIT but I don't think he realises how dangerous they really can be. We're very closeted here, very separate from the outside world, probably too much so. I have a hard job keeping tabs on what the other agencies are up to....."

Gwen grabbed his sleeve. "What, you mean you spy on them?"

"I wouldn't put it quite so distastefully. Let's just say I like to know what the competition is up to. Jack still has faith in some of the people out there. I don't.... well apart from Martha and Lethbridge Stewart."

"But surely we're all after the same thing? The safety of this planet?"

Ianto hitched a cynical smirk. "Yeah right and I have green balls. Greed Gwen, most people with some degree of power are motivated by greed or more power, it amounts to the same thing, control. We're not invulnerable."

"You sound paranoid."

"Perhaps I am and until Tosh can convince me otherwise I will remain so. I'd rather be paranoid than dead or worse still, holed up in one of those UNIT concrete cells." He turned on the dishwasher and went to the sink and washed his hands leaving Gwen to wonder if Rhys was at risk.


	22. Chapter 22

**PART TWENTY TWO**

Ianto stacked the last of the dishes into his dishwasher. He closed it up surveying his kitchen for a moment and deciding it was tidy enough to be left as it was. He had spent the day at home with one of Tosh's scanners going over every millimetre of his house looking for microphones and cameras.

He'd found nothing.

The previous evening and Tosh had found no evidence of the car he had mentioned to Jack either. In exasperation Ianto had given it up as a bad job and suspected that Jack thought he was being..... over cautious..... to put it politely. But Jack had humoured him, allowing him to take the day to go over his house with the proverbial fine toothed comb. On finding nothing Ianto couldn't decide whether he should feel relieved or paranoid. It was now 11pm and Jack had called four hours previously to remind him to bring a nice suit to wear for Gwen's wedding and Ianto had reminded him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going. The alarms had gone off, cutting short their conversation.

He was woken up at 2am by Jack climbing into bed beside him. Strong arms wound around his body pulling him close into solid warmth and Ianto sank back into sleep, his hands clasped over Jack's.

Ianto was up at 6am and after having a shower he padded downstairs in underpants and T-shirt to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Jack followed him down twenty minutes later, unashamedly naked as the day he was born and towelling at wet hair. Ianto hardly noticed as he set out coffee and toast on the clear end of his cluttered dining table. Jack tucked in appreciatively and Ianto sat opposite him and sipped at his coffee and nibbled at his toast.

"So, I can't convince you to go to the wedding then?"

Ianto lowered his mug. "No. It's Gwen and Rhys' day and I think Torchwood should stay well out of it." His tone was harsher than he'd intended and Jack looked at him keenly.

"Ianto?"

"I hate weddings Jack, the last one I went to my sister's best friend ended up shagging the married best man and his wife found them at it and a massive bitch fight followed which I had to break up. I still have the scars."

Jack frowned. "Where?"

Ianto pointed to his head. "Mental Jack.....Anyway I just think that it would go better if we stayed away..... Maybe Tosh could go, she'd perhaps like it but I'm not even certain any of us have actually been invited." He finished his coffee and stood up.

"Anyway, time to go to work."

When they arrived at the Hub, they discovered that Owen and Tosh were already there. Ianto went straight to his coffee machine and Jack went straight to his office, vaguely concerned by the onset of Ianto's stoic aloofness. The younger man was clearly far more bothered about the wedding than he was letting on.

Some hours later found Ianto standing in a bridal shop. He found himself wondering how on Earth his life had come to this. He searched through the racks of gowns fighting the temptation to purchase something gaudy and shapeless. But it was Gwen's special day, already ruined by...... well Torchwood and it seemed somewhat unfair to subject her to a horrible dress as well. Standing in front of a full length mirror he held one up against his body to survey the look and immediately shook his head. Then the annoyingly smug shop assistant stepped in to help and Ianto just glared at him. What did they think he was? Some kind of weirdo cross dresser? He blushed with embarrassment and hated Gwen more than ever in that moment. He finally found a suitably appropriate garment and paid £1200 on his credit card for it. At least she would look nice, even if she was pregnant with an alien. He found himself laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation as he drove back to the Hub. He was glad that Jack hadn't seen him laughing though because he knew really how uncharitable it was.

Whilst in Jack's office another lie slid easily from his lips. One day he'd tell the truth about his father but today was not that time, Ianto needed the illusion, the feeling that something wonderful remained of his past life when nothing did. Then Owen told them about the Nostrovite.

Ianto was quite happy to DJ. It meant he could get away from the press of people on the dance floor. He pulled out his MP3 player and plugged it in to the sound system. He caught sight of Owen and Tosh dancing together and he had never seen Tosh look so radiant. Gwen was with her Father, smiling and laughing and he spotted Jack with a doey eyed bridesmaid. Jack was smiling at him from over her shoulder and Ianto just smiled back before returning his attention to his tracklist. Sometime later and Owen was tapping on his shoulder and gesturing.

"I think you need to step in mate."

Ianto looked up to see Rhys staring across the hall and Ianto followed his gaze. Oh. Gwen was in Jack's arms and looking like she was meant to be there.

He sucked in a breath, realising that Rhys looked about ready to castrate Jack and turning to Owen he offered a shrug, not really certain he wanted to step in.

Owen shook his head.

"Ianto, are you going to stand for that?"

Ianto looked back. "Do I have a choice?"

Owen sat down beside him. "Look mate. Don't get me wrong here, I have no idea what you and Jack have going, but if he means as much to you as I think he does, you need to tell him."

Ianto arched an eyebrow surprised that Owen even had an opinion on the matter that didn't involve an insult.

"What? Or I'll lose him?"

Owen nodded.

"I lost him the day she walked into the Hub." Ianto said, not really sure if he had had him in the first place. "He's like me Owen, trying to steal moments of happiness in an empty life, except I have a get out clause called death. Look at them, they're happy."

"Yeah, maybe, but Rhys isn't and Torchwood has ballsed up this wedding enough, don't you think?"

"The Retcon is on standby."

Owen grinned. "You are so organised, it's scary. Now piss off and dance with Jack." He shoved at his arm. "Go on Ianto you deserve some happiness as well you know."

Ianto glanced from Owen back to where Jack and Gwen were dancing like the rest of the world didn't exist. He swallowed down his own inhibitions and got to his feet.

Owen watched as Ianto cautiously edged himself into Jack and Gwen's bubble and shyly burst it. Jack took Ianto into his arms, it seemed a little awkward at first because Ianto was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Owen watched as Jack held him tighter and whispered into his ear. Ianto seemed to sink into the hold at that point, resting his cheek against Jack's shoulder and hiding his face against his neck as they slowly moved together, Jack's hand running gentle circles over Ianto's lower back and arse. It took Owen a moment to realise that Tosh was beside him watching the same thing as him.

"They are quite something, aren't they?" She murmured.

"What Gwen and Rhys?" Owen was appalled.

"No, you idiot, Jack and Ianto. I hope they figure that out."

Owen didn't think they stood a chance but he kept that comment to himself as he selected another track to play next. He noticed Gwen standing with Rhys and watching her two colleagues as they danced together. Owen was surprised to see her smiling at them.

The wedding faerie routine complete and Ianto sagged into a chair and buried his face into his hands. He ached from head to foot and just wanted to get back home. Owen and Tosh had left the hotel in Tosh's car and Ianto was just waiting for Jack. The clean-up had taken the rest of the night, but at least the guests would be none the wiser and Gwen and Rhys would come back from their honeymoon as if nothing untoward had happened. What a joke that was. He felt the gentle pressure of Jack's hand on his shoulder.

"Come on. I'll drive you home."

Ianto was pulled to his feet and hugged closely and he closed his eyes breathing in Jack, his hands fisting in the fabric of that lovely old coat. Ianto nodded mutely, too tired to protest as he was led out of the building.

He got into the front passenger of the SUV and Jack keyed the ignition before turning and smiling at him. It was one of those soft affectionate ones that made his eyes brighten with warmth.

"Thank you for dancing with me."

Ianto didn't know what to say so he just smiled back and briefly grasped Jack's hand and squeezed it.

"It was nice."

"Yeah, it was."


	23. Chapter 23

**PART TWENTY THREE**

Dawn was just breaking by the time they pulled up outside Ianto's house. Ianto unbuckled his seat belt and made to get out of the SUV but Jack pulled him back and kissed him. Ianto lost himself in the intimacy for a moment before a yawn ruined the magic. Jack hitched a rueful smile.

"Get to bed, come in later today after you've had some sleep."

Ianto nodded. "What about you?"

Jack gestured to the rear of the vehicle. "I've got a half eaten DJ to put in the morgue and a stack of forms to fill out."

"Ok, just make sure you get some rest too Jack, you're not invincible."

"I promise, now get.... bring in some dinner."

Ianto watched from his doorstep as Jack drove away, yawning like mad. He glanced at his watch and discovered it was a little after 5am, sighing, he let himself in and decided on having a shower before going to bed. He was achy and very tired, but not in the least bit sleepy. The whole day had been rather like a tornado. Twenty minutes and two sleeping tablets later he was blissfully unconscious in his bed. An hour on and the shrilling beeping of his smoke alarm did nothing to rouse him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack carefully replaced his very precious photographs into his tin and added one of Ianto and another of his whole team to the collection, their names and the date clearly written on the back with an additional note about Ianto's coffee and suits. Jack was terrified of forgetting the few people in his life that had enabled him to hang on to his sanity. He made sure the lid was secure before locking the tin back into the bottom draw of his desk. He felt waves of warmth wash over him from the nostalgia of the day's events and was broken out of his reverie by the sound of the cog door opening. Jack looked out to see Owen entering the Hub with a content smile on his pale face. He caught Jack's look and offered up a wave as he headed up to the office.

"Thought you'd be staying with Tea Boy?" He commented as he leaned on the door jamb.

Jack sat back in his seat. "Had to deal with the body and Ianto was falling asleep on his feet."

"Yeah, hardly surprising that had to be the most unusual wedding of the century."

"I saw you dancing with Tosh."

Owen hitched a grin. "Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't have the moves..... I saw you dancing with Gwen and Tea Boy..... how he's not jealous I'll never know."

"He has nothing to be jealous of Owen."

Owen shook his head. "It didn't look that way from where I was standing."

Jack smiled. "Anyway, what are you doing in? I thought I told you guys to take the day off?"

Owen shrugged. "Not much for a dead guy to do at home when he doesn't eat, sleep and be merry. I thought I'd catch up on my notes, the weevil studies won't do themselves and I......."

The alert on Tosh's workstation went off and Jack leapt to his feet and followed Owen to her terminal. He was tapping at the keys.

"Well according to this there's been a 999 call for the fire brigade.... Oh shit, Ianto's house is on fire."

Jack fled the Hub in a flurry of coat tails.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Somehow Andy Davidson wasn't at all surprised when the sleek black SUV screeched to a halt almost right up the arse of the nearest fire appliance. He watched as Jack (posy tosser) Harkness swished out of the vehicle and headed straight for the scene of the still burning end terrace house. Andy had to run to catch him up...

"Hey, wait up, you can't go through there!"

He was ignored and Andy sighed deciding to let the fire officers deal with him. He turned back to the throng of onlookers who had come to gawp at someone else's misfortune. Andy hated them.

Jack strode over the snaking hoses and went straight forwards to the blazing house. He was grabbed firmly by strong arms and pulled back.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Jack sagged suddenly aware of the intense heat on his face as he turned to face one of the men holding his arm.

"Did you get him out? Ianto's in there."

Jack was dragged forcefully back. "Who the hell are you?"

Jack shook himself free. "Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood. My colleague is in that house." He yelled

He was steered away to allow others to get on and Jack watched as two officers hurriedly donned breathing apparatus. He saw flames licking out of the bottom window, where the lounge was and Jack looked up to the first floor and his heart sank.

The fireman was cursing spectacularly. "Are you certain he's in there? We were told the house was empty, that the owner was on holiday."

Jack threw him a startled look and fully registered for the first time the urgent look on the older man's face.

"Yes, he would have gone to bed, we were working all of last night. I dropped Ianto home myself less than two hours ago....... Wait a minute, who the fuck told you he was on holiday?"

But the fire officer had turned away to brief his colleagues.

There were more sirens.... An ambulance turned up and Jack was shoved back towards the police line whilst the fire fighters did their work. At some point Owen arrived and was standing at his side, his medical bag slung over his right shoulder.

"Jesus Christ."

They waited and Jack could only watch through the noise and confusion. What felt like an age later and two figures emerged from the pyre. They were carrying a body and the paramedics swarmed forwards with the stretcher trolley and oxygen. Owen and Jack were there a moment later and Owen was thanking god that the medics were known to him. A somewhat blackened looking Ianto was coughing and struggling on the gurney and Jack surged through the mess of medics to get to his side and grasp his hand.

"Ianto it's ok, you're ok."

The Welshman immediately stilled and opened his bloodshot eyes, he blinked at Jack and began to cough again. Owen eased a mask over his face and then smacked Jack's arm out of the way.

"We'll take him to the hospital, stay here and find out what happened." He didn't want Jack under his feet whilst trying to treat his friend.

Hesitantly Jack stepped back. "You'll stay with him?"

Owen nodded. "Count on it. Jack, he'll be ok."

Ianto was lifted into the back of the Ambulance and Jack went with him for a moment, he just wanted to be sure the young man was indeed alive.

"Come on Jack. We need to go."

Jack kissed Ianto's forehead and pressed his limp hand into Owen's grasp. "Don't let him out of your sight."

Owen nodded.

The ambulance departed with sirens and lights and Jack rang Tosh, demanding that she go to the Hub straight away. The call finished Jack focussed his attention back on the fire and then he remembered Andy Davidson was there standing by the police line watching the flames which had now spread to the first floor. Jack marched over and stood in front of the young PC, right in his personal space.

"The fire officer told me that someone said Ianto was on holiday, they thought the house was empty."

Andy took a pace back. "Yeah, that's right. I was first on the scene. A bloke in his forties, he was over there." Andy turned and pointed, but the man in question was no longer standing where he had asked him to wait.

"Shit." He faced Jack. "Sorry, mate I had no idea it was one of your lot."

Jack barely suppressed a growl.

"Leave it with us. I do not want the police involved."

"Now wait a minute, you can't just bloody....."

"Yes I can!" Jack turned away and went back in the direction of the fire appliance to find the chief officer.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As the ambulance hurtled towards AnE Owen did a rapid inspection of Ianto's body as the young man coughed violently into his oxygen mask. Miraculously there were no serious burns. The paramedic got a line into the back of Ianto's hand and set up a saline infusion so Owen contented himself by perching next to Ianto's head and running his fingers through smoke matted hair.

"You're gonna be fine mate, just fine."

Within minutes they were disgorged into the accident department and handed over to the resuss team, the ambulance drivers bade Owen a friendly good bye and best wishes and Owen remained glued to Ianto's side and watched as the doctors worked to get him stabilised.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack's mobile rang and he yanked it out his pocket. He'd retreated to the SUV when it was clear that the fire brigade were too busy to talk.

"Owen, how is he?"

"Lucky. He inhaled a lot of smoke though, so he's gonna be unwell for a while. Fortunately no deep burns, any word on the cause?"

"No, they're still putting it out. Andy tells me that some guy told the fire fighters that Ianto was on holiday and the house was empty, it's why they didn't go in straight away. Jeez, you're sure Ianto will be ok?"

"Yes mate. He'll be coughing for a few weeks, will need some time out."

Jack sighed. "I'll warm up the safe house, he can stay there, his house is practically destroyed." That at least would give him something to do.

"Ok, well I'll stay here shall I?"

"Yes, I don't want Ianto left alone, I have a very bad feeling about this."

Jack could hear the sounds of the hospital behind Owen. "How so?"

"You remember the other day, he said he was followed? Well maybe he was."

"I thought Tosh didn't find anything?"

Jack shrugged even though he was on the phone. "Doesn't mean it didn't happen. Look I wanna wait here for a bit, looks like they're getting things under more control." He was watching the proceedings. "Just stay with Ianto until I get there."

"Right boss, will do."

Jack hung up and pocketed his phone just as the chief fire officer came over to the SUV and tapped on the window.

Jack wound down the glass at a press of a button. The fire officer was looking grim, and thoroughly pissed off.

"Sorry mate, looks like arson, someone appears to have poured accelerant through the letter box. How's your friend?"

Jack sort of smiled. "He's alive, thanks to your men and for that I am very grateful."

"Well make me grateful, catch the cunt that did it, that is no way for someone to die."

Jack nodded, but the chief continued on.

"Can't understand why he didn't hear the smoke alarm."

"He probably took sleeping pills before going to bed, Ianto suffers from chronic insomnia and yesterday and he'd just finished a twenty hour shift without a break."

The chief wiped his face on his sleeve, smearing the soot on his cheek rather than removing it.

"Yeah well, I'm glad he's ok, I know you guys are a bit special ops, but I know enough to realise that you do some good around here. Let me know if get you the shit that did this."

Jack nodded and the man stepped away. He keyed the ignition and drove to the safe house by the bay.

**AN: I know I am mean cow... right after the fluffiness... and it's Ianto again..... well, what do you expect...I have a bad, Ianto has one too and that is the natural order of things....**


	24. Chapter 24

**PART TWENTY FOUR**

Ianto stood in the charred shell of his house. Everything within the four brick walls had been totally destroyed. Ianto hadn't owned many possessions but the ones he had were treasured as much as the memories that went with them. Now it was all lost, his journals, photographs of his mother and Lisa, the stringy necklace that Liam had made for him at school.

Small things that mattered to him on a monumental level.

Now there was blackened brick, the stairs, ceiling and even the roof had gone. He was just thankful that the neighbours were ok and hadn't lost too much themselves. He realised somewhat dismally that all he now owned was the diary he had locked away in his desk in the Hub, even the clothes on his back were borrowed from Jack. He supposed he should be grateful to still be alive, and he was, really, but he was also bereft. He never believed for one moment that he wouldn't be safe in his own home. Ianto absently rubbed at his aching chest. He'd been coughing non-stop since the fire and Owen had him taking steroids and antibiotics by the bucket load. He was distracted by the sound of crunching, tentative footsteps behind him and then suddenly a large warm hand wrapped itself around his smaller one. Ianto felt the warmth slide up his arm and he squeezed the fingers that entwined with his.

"I'm sorry Ianto."

"It's not your fault Jack, you have no need to apologise for this." Ianto replied, his voice raw and broken, still barely a whisper.

"Come on, let's get you to the safe house. You need to be in the warm." There was an insistent, but gentle tug on his hand and Ianto allowed himself to be led away from the skeleton of his former life. He silently wondered why it had become his former life, but somehow he felt something within himself radically change. Jack settled him into the front passenger seat of the SUV. Ianto had insisted on coming here on the way back from the hospital. He'd wanted to come home, if only to convince himself that there really was nothing left. Jack had been reluctant, worried that Ianto was too unwell to take it all in, but he had agreed. He smiled as Jack gently patted his thigh before keying the ignition.

The safe house was out at Penarth and Ianto couldn't remember there being any record of it. It was a sprawling bungalow with a high fence and lots of trees that pretty much obscured it from public view. The reinforced wooden/iron gates automatically opened for the SUV and closed behind it......

"I had this place built in the sixties. Don't use it much, but it's home."

Ianto swung his head round and gaped at Jack. "This isn't the safe house, is it?"

Jack stopped the car, right outside the front porch and Tosh, who was waiting by the open front door.

"No it isn't, but it is now. Tosh has installed some modifications over the last few days and I had to clean up and get some furniture.... It's been used as a storage locker for all my crap. My stuff's been moved and this is now your house until you're ready to find somewhere new of your choosing and I know it's safe for you to do so."

Ianto didn't see the point in arguing, in truth he was glad that Jack was taking care of everything. Tosh was hugging him within moments of him stepping from the SUV. Ianto hugged her back.

"Thanks Tosh."

She took his arm and led him into the house and Jack followed closing the front door behind them. Ianto paid little attention to his surroundings, he was tired and rapidly feeling overwhelmed. He sank into a couch and closed his eyes, garnering a concerned frown from Tosh.

Jack just smiled at her. "We went to the..... well what what's left of it. I think it's finally just starting to sink in. You guys want coffee?"

"Not if you're making that sludge that you normally drink!" Owen bellowed.

Ianto smiled, he hadn't realised that the medic was there as well. The couch dipped beside him and Ianto cracked open his eyes.

"Sorry mate, just wanna have a quick listen to your chest again." Owen was holding up his faithful Bekaran scanner. Ianto sat up and let the doctor do what he wanted as he sat there and yawned and then coughed again. His face almost going purple with the effort. Owen quickly finished.

"Ok. You need to go to bed and rest. Tosh and I are leaving now. Jack's going to stay with you."

It took Ianto a moment to realise that Jack was at his other side and rubbing circles over his back.

"Ok, when can I come back to work?"

"When you stop coughing your lungs up. Come on Tosh, lets get out of here."

Jack saw them off at the front door and came back into the spacious lounge to find Ianto was now lying down with a cushion jammed under his head. He was still coughing, but not so violently. Jack went and fetched him some iced water anyway and Ianto took it from him with a faint smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'll show you around in a few minutes then Owen is right, you're going to bed."

Ianto wasn't about to argue with him.

The bed was huge, soft and very warm and Ianto sank into it dressed in one of Jack's T-shirts and a pair of cotton boxers with pink pigs on them. He snuggled down under the duvet and coughed furiously for a while. Jack sat at his side, glass of water on standby and a handful of pills. Ianto took them and lay back down.

He couldn't settle no matter how comfortable he was and he watched Jack through hazy vision as he sat there like some sentinel on guard duty, his face unreadable.

"Penny for them?"

Jack smiled, it was like the sun coming out, as he gently ran his hand through Ianto's messy hair.

"I missed you, when you were in hospital and ...... well I am just glad you are gonna be ok."

Ianto got his hand out from under the covers and grabbed Jack's to still it. "Do we know who did it Jack?"

Jack shook his head. "Tosh went over all of the CCTV and the forensic evidence, whoever torched your house was careful not be discovered. The police have decided on a random act of vandalism and I am not about to discourage their view."

"What do you think?" Ianto asked through a strained cough.

The water was handed to him again.

"I think whoever followed you in the red car did it, we have one fuzzy picture and the face recog couldn't identify him, which is worrying because the image is reconstructable."

Ianto sighed understanding the implications. "Could it be the spooks?"

Jack shrugged. "They are not getting near you again, that much I can guarantee."

Somehow Ianto wasn't comforted by this. He yawned and Jack patted down his bedding and tucked his hand back under the cover.

"Try to sleep. I'll be in the next room. If I have to leave I'll wake you first. You're safe here, I promise." Jack leant down and kissed his head.

Ianto watched him leave the room through half open eyes and finally sleep stole him away.

Jack wandered through to the lounge and sank down onto the couch. He stared at the wide window blankly as silent tears rolled over his cheeks.


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: From here on it goes AU... Mainly because I feel like it and mostly because Jack and Ianto deserve a chance even though there will be some major challenges ahead.**

**PART TWENTY FIVE**

Jack wiped the water from his face and sighed. He was angry because Ianto had been hurt, angry at himself for not being able to protect him and angry at the house in which he now sat. There had been some happy times within these walls when Lucia and Mellissa were here, when he had a family. It hurt and Jack had promised himself never to let it happen again, never to fall in love... He didn't want these feelings, just Ianto with benefits. Of course, it never worked like that, even with his over evolutionised genes he couldn't choose who he would fall in love with. Ianto need never know, Jack would certainly not tell the younger man, but he couldn't deny it to himself and that frightened him to the core.

This was no passing infatuation like the Doctor had been, this was gut wrenching, painful love that would end badly. Jack knew he couldn't face that again. Ianto needed someone who could. Jack was sorely tempted to load the young man's next cup of coffee with Retcon. Ianto had wanted that once, to forget, but where did one draw the line in Ianto's life where there had been so much pain from so early on? When would Ianto lose what was essential to his personality? Jack sighed, sinking further back into the couch. He'd never do it, he was too selfish, he wanted Ianto in his life, only on his own terms and Ianto was practically a saint for putting up with it.

He thought of Gwen, off on her honeymoon and desperate to hold on to something of a normal life. He seriously wondered how long the marriage would last. How long before Gwen fell into someone else's bed? How long before it was his? Jack knew he wouldn't go there, if only for Ianto's sake. It would break his heart to be betrayed, but to be betrayed by both himself and Gwen would be too much, it would be cruel. If Jack were honest with himself, which he often wasn't, Gwen was no longer as appealing as she had once been, she had changed after Owen's death and focussed her efforts on Rhys, well up until the day she got married anyway. Jack found himself wondering why Tosh and Ianto had never got together, but despite them both being quiet perfectionists they were worlds apart. Tosh's knowledge was technically based and Jack half suspected she thought in binary, where as Ianto was most definitely a literary person, preferring books, languages, history and art. A sneaky peek at his diary one day had revealed a hidden talent for sketching and cartooning in the margins of his text. Jack had never been able to do things like that. And damn it to hell, why couldn't he have some degree of normality? Why couldn't he just share something with the man he loved? It wasn't fair and Jack found himself hating Rose for what she had done to him.

Jack got up and wandered through to the bedroom and stood there leaning against the door jamb watching Ianto as he slept. Anger welled up inside him yet again, he knew he'd tear apart the person who tried to murder the young man. Ianto had suffered enough and Jack wondered how he managed to even bother getting up some days, but then he realised that it was for him and him alone. Jack crept forwards and knelt down beside the edge of the bed. He gently touched Ianto's forehead trying to sooth away the deep frown on his brow. A Welsh murmur escaped Ianto's lips and Jack couldn't help but smile.

His phone rang and whispering a curse he pulled it out of his pocket and lurched out of the room. It was Owen.

"Hi Owen, what's up?"

"Yeah, boss sorry we have a multiple Hoix problem, I'm on my way to pick you up, be there in about 10 minutes."

"Ok, I'll be waiting."

He hung up and sighed. Jack really didn't want to wake to Ianto so soon after getting him to sleep so he opted for leaving a written message on the bedside cabinet in the hope that Ianto would see it before realising he was alone in the house.

" _Ianto,_

_I've been called out, shouldn't be too long. There's loads of food and things in the kitchen, just make yourself at home. The security system is on so don't try to leave the house, it's linked to my wriststrap, but don't worry you are safe. Don't forget to take your meds._

_CJH"_

Ianto stared at the note that had clearly been hastily scrawled on the back of a 1970s phone directory. He rolled on to his back and looked at the ceiling, which was in serious need of repainting, the coughing started almost immediately forcing him to lurch upright.

It was some hours later before Jack and Owen returned to the house. They found Ianto curled up asleep on the couch, the house itself in darkness. Owen did a quick a cursory look over his patient and then went to find Jack who was making himself a cup of tea in the kitchen.

"He's ok Jack, just resting, which is what he needs to do. Make sure he eats in the morning and takes the meds. Stay here, I'll take the Rift alert, I don't seem to need sleep anymore and I've got plenty of notes to type up on the weevil studies."

Jack smiled at him and Owen noted the look of relief on his bosses face.

"Where'd you get to this afternoon anyway?"

Jack continued to smile and pulled out a small red velvet box from his pocket.

"I went to see a jeweller."

Owen arched an eyebrow. "For Tea Boy?"

"For Ianto." Jack corrected him.

Owen folded his arms and leaned against the counter. "Jack... are you sure, I mean Ianto... You're not just over sentimentalising because of Gwen's wedding?"

Jack visibly sagged and returned the box to the pocket of his great coat.

"I almost lost him Owen. One day I will lose him. You have no idea of the depth of his feelings, for all of us, not just me. I realised today that I cannot go through the rest of his life keeping him at arms length because I think it is for my own good. I don't want to get hurt again, I will be hurt that is inevitable, but I want to be with him on his terms as well as mine. It's hard enough... this life... I just want something precious to hold on to, even if it's only for a while." He turned away and went to the fridge, for something to do.

Owen watched as food arranged on the counter top.

"Do you love him Jack?"

Jack shucked off his coat and draped it over the dining chair, Owen was taken aback by the raw emotion in Jack's eyes, it blazed and it was painful to look, but Owen held his gaze.

"More than I ever thought myself capable of. It scares the shit out of me how much."

"What if he turns you down, what then?"

Jack sighed. "It won't change how I feel, but I guess we will just have to work around it."

"So, another wedding then?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't know, I shall let Ianto make that decision. He's still getting his head around the fact that I am a man. I just want him to know that I am his, no matter what. I owe him that much."

Owen grinned and stuck out his hand and Jack shook it.

"Well then, good luck and congratulations... welcome to the human race."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Thanks... I think."


	26. Chapter 26

**PART TWENTY SIX**

**AN: This will be the final part of this for now... will revisit when I feel up to it... can't believe I went sappy on you all... need some guts and gore now.**

Ianto forgot where he was when he woke to the smells of grilling bacon and toast. He stretched out, his foot jamming on the end of the couch and he fell with thump on to the carpet and started to cough. He instinctively rolled onto his side and hugged his ribs as he hacked away between gasping breaths. A firm warmth flooded across his back in gentle circular motions and Ianto felt himself being rolled into an embrace.

"Ssshhhh, you sound like you have TB." Came the cheerful accented tones of Jack.

Ianto tried to hold in a breath to stop the coughing and failed, so he decided to ride it out for another ten minutes, until it finally settled, leaving him gasping and exhausted. He was gazing up at Jack who was wiping the sweat from his forehead and smiling down on him.

"There, better now?"

Ianto didn't trust himself to answer that politely so he squirmed away and sat up beside Jack on the floor and before he realised it a glass of cold water was pressed into his left hand. Ianto sipped at it eager to ease the rawness of his throat. A sigh escaped him.

"Thank you, Jack."

A large hand was rubbing his back again. "You're welcome. Ready for something to eat?"

Ianto wasn't but he nodded knowing full well that Jack would make him eat anyway.

"Is it late?"

Jack got to his feet and held out his hands for Ianto. "No, only about 7 I think."

Ianto pulled himself to his feet with some caution as sore ribs and stomach muscles protested. Still holding his hand Jack led him into the kitchen and sat him down at the dining table. Ianto gazed about at the 70's furnishings and wondered just how long ago it had actually been since any work had been done in the house. He finished the glass of water and his gaze settled on Jack who was busy making their dinner. Whatever it was smelt good and Ianto found himself actually feeling a little peckish. Jack was singing to himself as he worked and Ianto was content to sit back and watch him. It was a rare enough sight to see Jack doing something so domestic, but the older man looked content whilst doing it and that sight was even rarer still. A plate was placed in front of him and Ianto sat there gaping at it, there was no way he was going to manage everything. Another glass of water was placed in front of him and cutlery was pressed into his grip.

"Eat all of it preferably, but as much as you can otherwise, Owen's orders."

Ianto watched as Jack sat opposite with his own plateful and he raised an eyebrow as Jack happily shovelled food into his mouth like it was first meal he'd had in a week. Jack hesitated, forkful half way to his mouth.

"What?"

Ianto smiled at the sauce on his chin and pointed.

"I'm hungry... aren't you?"

He was chewing enthusiastically again and Ianto gripped his fork, dinner did smell nice, even though he wasn't entirely sure what it was he was about to eat.

An hour later and half his dinner consumed and Ianto was curled up on the couch again with Jack sitting next to him looking distinctly nervous. Ianto watched him through half open eyes fighting his tiredness so that he could stay awake and talk.

"I need some clothes Jack, I'll have to go out shopping tomorrow."

Jack nodded. "I'd rather we wait until you were feeling better, but I guess you're right."

"I could always not bother changing my boxers, but I think even you would find that a bit much." Ianto sipped at another glass of water, really wanting a decent cup of coffee instead.

"We could make every day naked Friday?"

They both smiled.

"Has there been any word on who burnt my house down?"

"No, nothing and when you are back on your feet you are not to go out alone and no field ops..."

"Jack I can't be shut up in the Hub forever."

Jack sighed and reached out a hand which Ianto automatically grasped. "I want you safe."

"I will not be made a prisoner of your fear Jack. I know you want me safe, I am glad that you care enough to want that, but I am and have been more than able to look after myself over the years."

"I know that, but... I know I'm sorry."

Ianto smiled. "Don't be sorry Jack, just try not to take my life away with too much concern and kindness, it won't do either of us any good. I'm tougher than I look."

Ianto felt himself being pulled tighter against the warmth of Jack's body.

"Just let me take care of you, for a little while?"

Ianto was concerned by the uncertainty in Jack's voice, he turned his face away from Jack's shirt and tried to meet the older man's eyes with a worried look of his own.

"What's really bothering you Jack?"

Jack's hands fell away and Ianto felt a sudden cooling as he moved away to put a little space between them.

"Jack?"

Ianto tentatively reached out a hand and rested it against Jack's thigh. He was relieved when his hand was engulfed by Jack's warmer and larger one.

"I was thinking about Gwen, away on her honeymoon, living that wonderfully normal life. You could have had that with Lisa, you could have had a family, a nice house and maybe even a dog."

Ianto couldn't find it in himself to smile at that.

"Yes, what if, could have, maybe... Jack we all live with those things that didn't happen for us, that's just life. If I keep hanging on to those things I may as well never get out of bed."

"Don't you regret it though?"

Ianto shrugged, wondering where Jack was going with this line of conversation.

"I don't regret what I cannot control. I miss the people I've lost and I regret the things I could've changed but didn't, but I've also started to learn to live with myself. There are some regrets Jack, but they are few and I would not change things, because those things define who I am. It's why I decided not to take the Retcon. You convinced me I was a better person than I thought I was, how can I regret that?"

Jack turned his head and offered up a faint smile. "Are you happy Ianto?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow, surprised and disconcerted by the question in equal measure.

"I don't know Jack. I've just lost my home. I liked it there and I am angry that that has been taken away from me. It felt like I was making progress, moving on with my life. I'm not unhappy, but I think I'd be pushing it to say that I was happy. I just am, right now, if that makes any sense at all."

It was clear that Jack understood.

"You could always live here with me."

Ianto did a double take.

"What?"

Jack gestured to the room in general. "I know it needs decorating and bringing into the twenty first century..." He blustered and Ianto just gaped for a moment.

"You're asking me to move in with you? Like a couple?"

Jack nodded and then looked at him. Ianto swallowed when he realised just how nervous Jack actually was.

"Jack I... I mean, are you sure? You're not just trying to help me because of the fire?"

Jack smiled awkwardly. "I want you and I to be together, to have a home."

"This is because of Gwen isn't it?"

Jack nodded slowly. "Why can't we have that life?"

Ianto closed his eyes and sighed. "Because we both work for Torchwood Jack, because you can't stay dead, because one day I WILL die? I don't know Jack. There's no reason and then there's a million of them."

Ianto watched as Jack sagged against the couch looking thoroughly defeated.

"I don't you want to do it because you want what Gwen has. I want you to do it for me, because you want to be with me." Ianto told him.

It took a moment for that to sink in and Jack squeezed Ianto's hand. "I want whatever time we have left, together. I want to remember in a thousand years time because we made a life together and made each other happy."

Ianto smiled. "Then why don't we start from the beginning? Lets buy a whole new place that we've chosen together, put all the memories of the past behind us and bury the ghosts?"

"I'd like that, Jones Ianto Jones." Jack was rummaging in his trouser pocket and Ianto watched somewhat gobsmacked when a red velvet box was plopped rather unceremoniously into his lap. Jack released his hand and grabbed the box and opened it. He held aloft two pale gold bangles, one slightly smaller than the other.

"Where I come from we give these things instead of rings. These bracelets belonged to my parents. One day I'd like us to get married, but for now I just want you to have these. I love you so much Ianto, I know I never say it properly, I never get it right. If you ever decide that you want to marry me, you give me this one back." He pressed the precious metal into Ianto's grasp and Ianto sat there gazing at them, carefully running his finger tips over the knot work engravings.

"Jack I ... I don't know what to say, these are. I know what these mean to you." He looked up into Jack's intense and frightened eyes, more blue than ever before and Ianto could have drowned there on the spot. He suddenly thrust the larger of the jewels back into Jack's hand.

"I'm not wearing a dress and somehow I have to explain to my sister why I am marrying a handsome man, and I don't want any nostrovites or weevils."

"Is that a yes?"

Ianto nodded sliding one bracelet over his own wrist and the other over Jack's.

"Yes."

**finis**


End file.
